Goodbye 2012

I can hardly believe that it is December 31, 2012. The end of one crazy year!
It has been 170 days since Our Adventure began. It has flown by and crawled at the pace of a snail all at once, if that even makes sense.
A more beautiful day could not have been offered for the beginning of our journey. We had breakfast together and then began focusing on our individual "priorities" for the day. Kirk had found a weight lifting set in the classifieds and had made the purchase and the pick up before 10:00 AM. He loaded "Inga" the dirt bike, on the trailer and went to pick up our favorite son-in-law Steven and nephew, Kenny, who would be joining him on his third ride of the week.

Third ride of the week?!?! Has this man no job? Responsibilities? A wife with a Honey-Do list?

Yes. Yes. And, yes.

This is the life of a Firefighter. When the opportunity for Kirk to transfer back to the Fire/Paramedic side at the Orem Department of Public Safety, it almost seemed like an answer to prayers for this motorcycle riding man. Firefighters work a grueling 48 hours on duty and then enjoy 96 hours off duty. It is not a schedule for the normal man. ;)  The Brethren refer to each 48 hours on as a "Tour of Duty". Kirk had just transferred back at the end of June and had served three tours before Our Adventure began.

Back at home I was making preparations for an early birthday dinner for Steven including his favorite dessert, lemon meringue pie, which turned out pretty great, if I do say so myself. ;)



I had just tidied everything up when the phone rang. It was Steven. "Kirk has been in a motorcycle crash but he is okay." His voice was so calm that I thought he was just teasing. "You are so funny" I said, "What time will you guys be home for dinner?" He repeated what he had said the first time and added, "They life-flighted him to Utah Valley and he should be there by now." I told him I would head right over. I was trying to digest three key points from the phone call; crash, life-flight and he's okay.

I immediately knelt down and prayed with all of my heart, "Please Heavenly Father, please let him be okay." I felt an overwhelming sense of peace; everything would be fine. I held on to that moment with an ever tightening grip that almost became a strangle hold over the next few days. I even started to doubt the feeling. Did I just make this up in my head. Did I really get an answer to my prayer? I think this is human nature. We ask for Heavenly Father's help and then doubt the blessing we have been given. Why do we do this? Wouldn't our lives be so much easier if we just believed?

Over the next few days we were granted a miracle. Millions of miracles! The word "Miracle" became our new mantra. Again, doubt would creep in and make me question the blessings..... "Are we worthy of these miracles?" The answer? Heavenly Father thinks so.

Over the next 170 days we have watched our life become rich with blessings. We are even closer as husband and wife. Our girls, Bryn and Dani and her husband Steven, have given up so many of their own lives to be available at any moment.






We have enjoyed the support, love, prayers and service from family, friends, co-workers, neighbors and our ward family. They carried so much of the load for us that we almost felt weightless. I never realized what my actions, bringing a meal to a neighbor, running errands for another or praying for them during their time of need would do for them. It literally "lightens their load". Another revelation for us both was that we could "feel" the prayers that were offered for us. I don't even know if there are words to describe this. I do know that I will forever be grateful for those prayers.



We are optimistically looking forward to our January 22nd meeting with Starlene Clayson NP at Dr. Gardner's office. We anticipate a clean bill of health and a 100% clearance to return to work with the Brethren at the Fire Station. It will be a celebration of epic proportions!




We leave you at the end of 2012 with this:

The memories of our Adventure filled year
Are full of miracles we'll always hold dear.
Millions of lessons and blessings galore
With all of this, who could ask for more?
But more we were given, much more we received
Our greatest lesson was just to Believe.
Believe in miracles, great and small,
Believe in the love God gives us all.
Believe in the goodness of family and friends
Whose service and prayers seem to have no end.
Believe in this truth, that God has a plan
And He'll help you through if you'll just take His hand.
He'll love you and guide you and help you to grow
He'll be right beside you, of this we know.
So through this Season, with all you receive,
We hope that you will always Believe.

May 2013 bring you copious amounts of happiness and blessings! You are worth it!

Love to you all!
- Posted by Gena Bertelsen using BlogPress from my iPad

Every Second Counts

106 days since Our Adventure began.
2,544 Hours.
152,640 Minutes.
9,158,400 Seconds.

Putting it into numbers seems to makes it feel so recent and so far in the past all at the same time.

We went to see Dr. Paul Gardner's PA, Star Clayson, last week after Kirk did a flexion and extension series of x-rays. Star put the x-ray films up on the board, separately and one on top of the other to see if everything lined up. The best words came out of her mouth, "Everything looks very stable. It couldn't be better."

Absolute relief was shining through our smiles like the rays of the sun after a stormy day. We ran several questions past her, the biggest of which was, "When can he get out of his shell?" Star wanted to speak with Dr. Gardner but felt that he would recommend transitioning into a soft corset over the next month or two. She said she would give us a call when she had spoken with him and got his opinion.

As you might expect, Kirk transitioned himself out of the shell that night. No call from Star. No soft corset. No surprise here. He went to work the next day, with shell in hand, "just incase".

Three days later he got the call, "Dr. Gardner would like you to transition into the soft corset over the next few weeks." Star told him. "Well, what if I just transition myself out of the shell without the soft corset?" Kirk casually asked. Star gave him the recommendations from Dr. Gardner and Kirk finally told her he had already "transitioned" himself out of the shell. "How long have you been out of it?" she asked. "Since Tuesday." Star asked how he felt and his response was joyful....."Better than ever!"








And he is.

He has transitioned out of the hospital bed and out of the shell. He continues to physically do more and more each day while taking fewer and fewer medications for pain. After spending the morning raking leaves with his dad, brother Brad and nephew Cole, mowing the lawn and even doing some laundry, Kirk walked into the room, threw his hands up in the air like a veteran referee calling the winning touchdown in the final seconds of the championship game, and exclaimed, "I'm back!"

What a beautiful journey we have been blessed with. Every single, miraculous, second has brought us together in ways we couldn't have managed on our own.

We are stronger.
We are more focused.
We are giddy.

And "we" are searching for a new motorcycle:)





- Posted by Gena Bertelsen using BlogPress from my iPad

It Will All Be Worth It

Eleven Weeks.
We are at eleven weeks since the beginning of Our Adventure.
Kirk and I have spent most of the day at home today. For once, I am the one not feeling well. Ironically, he says this is probably his best day so far.
We watched the movie 17 Miracles this afternoon after a sweet friend of mine challenged me to watch it. We have heard what a great movie it was, and we agree. However, my eyes are swollen and red from shedding tears for over an hour. If you haven't seen it, you definitely should make every effort you can to watch it. Make sure you have the kleenex close by.




This is a true story of pioneers from the Martin and Willie Handcart Company that crossed the plains to come to Zion. Two of the pioneers, Sarah Anne Frank and George Paddley, were obviously so in love and had planned to be married when they reached Zion. George asked Sarah several times why they were waiting to be married, she would tell him, "It will all be worth it."
I needed that today. We are constantly grateful for the multitude of miracles we have been given but, as time goes on, the miracles seem to be disguised as other trials, stresses and worries. I am human. I am imperfect. I get frustrated, ticked off, impatient, discouraged, sad, mad, worried, doubtful and weak. Today, I needed that reminder, "It will all be worth it."
And it will.
Watching this movie was a great reminder that prayer works and that every challenge we face is meant for our good and our growth. In short, it will all be worth it.
I am starting to wonder who really needed that lesson on patience;)
- Posted by Gena Bertelsen using BlogPress from my iPad

Conversation Piece

Another week has passed in Our Adventure.

Today is the 80th day since it all began. Whew! Kirk says it definitely feels like it has been that long. I think you might get a different perspective whilst wearing a turtle shell back brace.

He has been back to work, light-duty, for 3 weeks now and comes home each evening totally exhausted and ready to crawl in bed. Considering the alternative.....exhausted is absolutely exceptional.

We had a great day yesterday. We had originally planned to take a ride up the canyon and see the beautiful fall leaves up close. But, as I was reaching for my shoes my dog Buddy nudged his way into my closet as if to show me which shoes I should pick. They were the walking shoes. Putting those shoes on makes him the happiest dog in the world as he knows he will get to join me for a walk. He became very vocal as I picked up the walking shoes and I told Kirk that Buddy was hoping we would go for a walk instead. He got his way. And it was perfect.

We went about two miles, just North of our neighborhood, and roused just about every dog you could imagine into a barking frenzy. It was not our normal route so these dogs are not as familiar with Buddy the Wonder Dog and his gentle, playful nature. It is either that or they are extremely jealous of his doggy backpack that he wears on our walks.


Buddy is quite an amazing dog. He is a shoe and furniture critic. He creates enough hair in one week to make another dog and, he loves everyone. Buddy is such an obedient dog that he stays right with us when we walk as if he were the poster dog for the "We don't need no stinkin' leashes" brand. No leash, just a happy friendly dog that wants to meet everyone. This last trait is not always welcomed by others. In fact, most people Buddy would meet on our walks would initially be afraid of him. He is very unique looking and if you didn't know him, you might wonder about his level of friendliness. I decided to use him in an experiment; what if I changed everyones perception of him? Would people still be afraid?

We took him to PetSmart and purchased a doggy backpack. Upon returning home, Bryn and I put it on him and took him for a short walk. He acted as though he had been punished and walked with his ears back and with a little droop in his tail. I didn't give up. I started putting it on him for every walk so that it would become routine. Almost immediately people changed. Everyone wanted to pet him. All that changed was their perception! He had this backpack on which made him appear to be a "working" dog and everyone knows that working dogs are friendly! And, working dogs want to visit and be touched. Buddy cannot believe his good fortune.


Kirk's turtle shell has become a lot like Buddy's backpack. Wherever we go, people want to talk to him, ask him what happened or, as in an earlier post, ask if it can stop a bullet:) We ventured in to several pawn shops yesterday and met so many people that seemed to have so much in common with us. Whether they lived in Mapleton, rode motorcycles or had back problems, we were connected. Kirk and I were talking about how his shell is like a people magnet and he said it has opened up so many conversations with people he didn't even know. He calls it a "Conversation Piece", you know, like one of those great big twisted pieces of glass that you use as a decoration and people are drawn to ask questions about it. It starts a conversation. That is another blessing of Our Adventure.


Saturdays have become our "let's just be together" day. Our old "normal" would have seen weekends come and go with most of our time spent separately, focused on whatever we each made a priority. I was worried about laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning and Kirk was more "fun" oriented with motorcycle riding or tinkering on guns when he was not at work. The new "normal" includes plenty of focus on each other. Priorities have been balanced where they should have been all along.


There are so many ways, in the busy life that we all lead, to lose focus on the important things and we are living proof of that. I think you become so comfortable in your relationships that you don't think about the nurturing that is needed to keep that relationship strong. It's like planting a garden; you work the soil, plant the seed, fertilize and water, prune and weed, and if you are diligent, you reap a wonderful harvest. If you only planted the seed and watered when it was convenient or when you remembered to, your harvest would be nothing to brag about, if you even had a harvest.

Our Adventure has taught us to make each other and our family our number one priority. No matter what. I used to think our marriage was great and couldn't really imagine it being any better. Our Adventure has only improved our relationship because of the adjustments we needed to make. Again, another blessing.

Hope your priorities are balanced. If not.....do something about it! Life is too short to waste another minute!



- Posted by Gena Bertelsen using BlogPress from my iPad

The SWARM

Day 73 of Our Adventure.
Can you believe it has been over 9 weeks since it all began?
I was thinking about that a lot this morning. Some of it still seems very surreal. The rest of it is a reminder that it is VERY real. It's all good, in the big picture of life.
Both Kirk and Bryn have been sick this week and they were kind enough to share their good fortune with me:( They both missed several days of life/work and both seem on the mend. Being an overachiever, I intend to make short work of the gift and be 100% tomorrow...wish me luck.
Kirk was invited to a SWARM on Saturday and, wanting to spend some more time with him, I invited myself to go too. I had to ask him what a SWARM was, I am pretty sure you might be wondering too. A SWARM is kind of like a remote control mini-convention for those who fly RC Planes. They all stand on the pre-determined "flight line" and release their planes at the same time. It sounds like a swarm of bees and is actually pretty darn cool to see. Here is the video footage I took of it:

One of my favorite parts of the SWARM were the two little commentators on the lawn in front of me. I have no idea who they are but, dang it was fun listening to their views on the event.
A couple of The Brethren, current and retired, were there making planes, flying them and having all manner of fun as they attempted to take the planes with the streamers out of the air.

















A big shout out to Ralph Derico, Jake Ervin and Dan Holdaway. It is always great to see you boys. I did ask Kirk why Cheryl and Kim weren't there and he said, "This is kind of a guy thing." Whoops;) Maybe next time.
Over the last few weeks, almost everywhere we go, someone we run into mentions the blog, that they read it, enjoy it and share it. How beautiful is that!? Thank you. We are humbled and inspired and hope that you find something of value in Our Adventure that can help make your life better.
I love this picture of Kirk at the SWARM. Yes, he does have his brace on under the sweatshirt.....otherwise he would look even skinnier! I keep trying to fatten him up without success.




I don't know that we could say this enough........THANK YOU. We are so grateful for the wonderful, genuine friendships we have come to count on in our lives. Your thoughts and prayers, positiveness, service, example and love have held us up through some of the most difficult times we have know. There truly is strength in numbers, especially when it is focused on good.
Love to you all!
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Tomorrow

"Tomorrow is the most important thing in life.
It comes to us at midnight very clean.
It is perfect when it arrives and puts itself in our hands.
It hopes that we have learned something from yesterday."
~John Wayne

Today is the 69th day since Our Adventure began.

Kirk has been plugging away, putting in lots of hours of light-duty work at Orem City. His spirits are lifted so much by The Brethren. They probably don't even know how loved they are.....in a professional way, of course:)

He stayed home from work today not because he wanted to, but because his body told him it would not be in a standing position for more than a few minutes at a time. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Our sweet Bryn shared the quote at the beginning of the post. When I read it I immediately knew it was meant for me today. Do you ever have moments like that?

Let's just say...."It's been a day." Whew...I feel much better:)

So many times I get caught up in the moments of today, stress, smiles, happiness and frustration, and I let it set the tone for the rest of the day. I realize that this is not very productive, but that does not lessen the "attractiveness" of letting emotions take the proverbial wheel and drive you wherever it may. Unfortunately, emotions rarely take you to your planned "destination".

Our Adventure has opened up a treasure chest of emotions for our entire family. We have laughed, cried, worried, been hopeful, anxious, grateful, joyful and elated. Actually, where haven't our emotions been?

Emotions are tricky little things that have much more control of our actions and words than any of us would be willing to admit. (There's that "control" word again.....why does it always seem to be in the shadows just waiting to jump out and do something crazy?)

So, today is almost over. Tomorrow is going to be beautiful. We all have another 24 hours to smile, serve, pray, help, guide and inspire. And after that, we will get another 24 hours to improve on everything again.


I am looking forward to midnight. In fact, I may just stay up to welcome tomorrow with open arms.



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The Forgetting

Day 66.
A very low-key Sabbath day for us.

Kirk and I went for a walk today, around the pond, like we used to do daily. This is the first time I have been up there since Our Adventure began. It was beautiful to see the reflection of Maple Mountain and the changing leaves in the pond.

Everything was so peaceful and calming. Exactly what we needed.

I have been very reflective the last few weeks about Our Adventure and lessons that we have learned throughout the last few months. I am sure the lessons will continue, maybe not as vividly as some have been, but they will be there. I'm not worried about that.

My concern is the forgetting.

I was visiting with a darling friend, Raylene Long, the other day about the forgetting. We have several great connections, our husbands both work for Orem City, are both Police Officers and both love to ride motorcycles. We have both gone through life altering experiences where our husbands were injured and have recovered. Let me tell you a little bit more about Raylene's husband, Jeff Long.







While serving our country in the Middle East, a suicide bomber detonated a van full of explosives in very close proximity to Jeff and his team. They were driving a HumVee, Jeff was on top as "the Gunner". When the van exploded, Jeff was engulfed in flames and fell inside the HumVee. The fire suppression system was able to put the fire out but not before Jeff suffered severe burns to his face and body.

Jeff spent several months in military hospitals recovering from the burns, some of the time without his family by his side. There are still scars, emotional and physical, from his experience, and probably always will be. Jeff is another Hero in my life.

I asked Raylene how they kept the things they learned during that time, including the very miracle of him being alive, at the forefront of their mind. She told me that she had mentioned to Jeff, just a few days prior, that the scar on his face was fading. This was a very visible reminder to them of the miracle they had been given. With it fading, would the memories fade also?

Don't misunderstand me, there are some things I would be fine forgetting. But there are some vitally important lessons here that we obviously would not have been able to learn without Our Adventure. So how do you remember these things when life resumes it's normal pace, other stresses take over and you aren't "focused" on the Adventure?


For us, part of the gratitude includes putting the lessons we have learned into action in our lives. We are more mindful of others who are in difficult situations, who need our prayers and service and we act. We cherish our time together, with our family, friends and each other, in ways we didn't understand before. We take more opportunities to tell those around us how much we appreciate and love them. Kirk made the comment one day, "I have really worried my parents. They tell me they love me every time they talk to me." It wasn't that they didn't say this to him in many ways, it was just a lot more often!

So, here we are. Kirk's back is healing. He is back to work, even though it is light-duty, full duty is just around the corner. The pains have lessened. Sleep is improving. And soon, we hope, he will be able to sleep in our bed instead of the hospital bed. We know that Heavenly Father has given us a multitude of blessings. We just don't want to forget them.

This, I am sure, is another lesson we need to learn.

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8 Weeks Ago Today

Can you believe it has been eight weeks since Our Adventure began?

Sometimes it seems like years ago. Other times it feels like it was just yesterday.

We started today early by walking at the 8th Annual Suicide Prevention Walk in Provo. The theme was HOPE; Hold On. Persuade. Empower. It was good to spend our morning supporting some very special people in our lives and we are so grateful for the memories of those we have lost.

The walk was two miles and the route was one big square of several city blocks. At each corner stood a silent sign holder sharing a powerful message. I especially loved this one:




The majority of us have seen or heard the words of the Serenity Prayer throughout our lives but today they seemed to shout out to me "Hey You! Pay attention!"

In my mind, the Serenity Prayer has been a type of mantra for Alcoholics Anonymous, a poetic reminder that Heavenly Father has a plan, whether we like it or not. We cannot tell Him what to do, we just need to pay attention to the promptings of what He needs us to do.

For some reason, I have struggled with this in the last two months. But I am being reminded daily that I am not in charge. It's a bittersweet kind of thing:)

I am thinking of starting a new support group for people who think they can fix everything by themselves and in the process they create a whole new series of problems. I know I have mentioned Control Freaks Anonymous before but my BFF Cheryl said it's not actually "Anonymous" if you openly admit it.

This seems to present another problem........

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9-11

61 days since Our Adventure began.

2 full days of light-duty work behind us.

Dang! He really is a superhero!!

I am not sure that there is really anything one could look forward to when anticipating light-duty status. Aren't you really doing the work that no one else wants to do while you watch all of your team mates do what you REALLY want to be doing? Light-duty is quite possibly an employers solution for a quicker healing time for employees.

Today's light duty assignment was a life changing, emotional ride for Kirk and he felt privileged to be in the presence of Lieutenant Joe Torrillo of the New York Fire Department as he retold his life experiences and surviving the World Trade Center Attacks.





Joe is a Hero. A man who went above and beyond his strength, his duty and his position to save the lives of countless victims of the terror attacks 11 years ago, today.

Kirk shared a quote with me that Joe shared at this event, "You want to make God laugh? Tell him what you are going to do tomorrow."

Isn't that the truth. God does have a plan and it is certain that we are all in it.

You can read his whole story here:Joe Torrillo's 9-11 Story/

I am so thankful for men like Joe. He has affected my Hero today in a very positive way. An experience he may not have ever gotten without being on light-duty. All you other Brethren are jealous now, aren't you?

Did I mention I have a motorcycle for sale;)

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He's Back!!

He did it! He even made it the whole day! Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers throughout Our Adventure. We absolutely could not have gotten to this point without you.

Thank you City of Orem Police, Fire, Paramedics, Dispatchers, Office Staff. You have made the rough road smoother.

Thank you to all of our sweet family, friends and neighbors. It would be impossible to name everyone as we have been so blessed by so many.

Our biggest THANK YOU to our Father in Heaven who truly knows what we need and when we need it.

How blessed are we?

How blessed are we all?

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Needy

Day 59 of Our Adventure. Less than 12 hours away from Kirk's big return to work tomorrow morning.
There are mixed feelings at this juncture. Kind of like having your youngest child graduate from high school and move out to pursue their dreams. The end of one adventure and the beginning of another.
We have carefully chosen our activities in the last few days, trying to anticipate and manage pain levels. Kirk had planned to go have lunch with the Brethren yesterday but decided it would be better to rest. Sometimes you have to rearrange your plans to fit your life.
I don't think I have had one clear, concise thought this whole weekend. I have tried to focus on the task at hand only to have it interrupted by thoughts of Kirk being at work. Examining my anxiety on this subject leaves me unable to name one thing that concerns me, just general uneasiness. I have been trying to put a name on it and I have finally decided I must just be needy.
Kirk and I joke about "neediness" a lot. Either of us can tell the other, at any time, "I think I am feeling needy" and we immediately turn our attention to each other. This phrase has rarely been uttered by Kirk and when it is utilized, it is usually me interrupting a string of motorcycle rides interspersed with mandatory "work" days. After all, someone has to pay for these rides.


One would think that having their spouse home for almost two months, unable to bend over to pick up their socks, load the dishwasher or do the laundry, would be quite enough time spent together. I don't really see it that way. I have actually learned that there is so much more that I need from him that his ability to trim his own toenails.
I have been emotionally exhausted this weekend, mostly filled with my neediness thoughts, I guess. Bottom line.....I need this man. I need him to be happy and fulfilled. I need him to need me at his side. I need his smile, his laughter and his hand to hold. I need him to protect me, strengthen me and tell me when I am getting too needy:)
Turns out that Heavenly Father knows these things too. That is why he has blessed me with this amazing man. It is also, quite possibly, the reason we have been blessed with Our Adventure. We are reminded every day how much we need each other in a world where everyone seems to be searching for solitude. I've got to tell you, life is so much better together than it could ever be alone.
Because I have one of those very odd brains I keep thinking of acronyms for the word NEED. Here are just a few for your giggling pleasure:
Never Ending Emotional Day
Now Entering Emotional Dump
Not Everyone Enjoys Dogs.....(where did this come from?)
New Experiences Emit Delirium
Yep. I am needy. I am okay with this.
Thank you for letting me vent. And Please, pray for my man that everything will go well tomorrow. I am sure it will, but everyone needs that little extra assurance that knowing their friends and family are praying for them brings.
Wait, that means you might be needy too.....just saying;)

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Art

57 Days since the beginning of Our Adventure.

3 more days until Kirk returns to work (light-duty) with the Brethren. He is actually going to head to Orem tomorrow to have a fireman's lunch with his crew. He is really looking forward to that.






We went to an art show at Terra Nova gallery in Provo tonight that featured our amazingly talented and beautiful niece, Darci Bertelsen and her friend and fellow awe inspiring artist, Mark Crenshaw. Their work is wonderful. Oh, to be young and wildly talented.

Kirk was the lucky winner at the art show of a portrait of himself by artist Grant L. Lund. Mr. Lund actually completed the portrait in about 30 minutes as Kirk sat in front of the art gallery. It was super cool to watch this man use his talent to depict what he saw in Kirk on to paper. The result?




Everyone's perspective is different. I think the drawing is wonderful but it is not my perception of my sweetheart. In fact, if a vote had been held by those who were there and know Kirk, (Rick, Lori, Connie, Me, Dani, Kirk, Darci) 100% of us would have agreed that this rendition of Kirk is an actual futuristic drawing of him in about 22 years. Yep. Kirk at age 60.

After Kirk received his portrait and went in to enjoy Darci and Mark's paintings, I asked him what he thought. He held the picture up and said, "I look old." It was not expressed happily, more of a shocked and stunned kind of response.


Almost all of us have had one of those moments where you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and think, "Where did that wrinkle come from?" In all reality, those things don't just happen over night, it takes time and effort to work a wrinkle into your skin. The same muscle movement has to occur habitually, for years, to create a crease in your skin. That muscle movement can be a smile, a frown, squinting, even the way you lay your head on your pillow can cause a wrinkle to form over time.

I remember Nonna, my grandmother, fretting over her wrinkles one day. I looked at her and told her I thought she looked beautiful. All of those lines in her face were like a road map of her life. All of the hard work, raising three boys, gardening, laughing, happiness and sadness. All of those experiences created a beautiful work of art. She didn't agree. And honestly, the older I get, the more I understand her disagreement.

It all boils down to perspective.

How do you see yourself? Do you see wrinkles and age spots or do you see a lifetime of moments and experiences combined to create a beautiful, unique work of art?

I'm afraid I worry more about those darn wrinkles than I should.

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How Do You Want To Go?

Can you believe it has been 50 days?

We can't and we are living Our Adventure. Kirk just said, "Can you believe how long it takes to heal?"

Yes. Yes I can.

We just got back from a lovely walk in the Mapleton darkness. Very few towns are like our sweet Mapleton. Country charm, very few street lights, chickens across the street and even in the cloak of darkness you can recognize your neighbors voice as he jogs past you and says "It's good to see you out." (Right back at you Andrew Woodworth!)

We just earned our second traffic light in town and it was kind of bittersweet. A second traffic light suggests growth and we don't want to lose that small town, rural feel but it sure is great to be able to get across Highway 89 at Maple Street. Yep. Bittersweet.

Today has been a good day for Kirk. His pain seems to have subsided a bit after the last few days. It is amazing how wonderful he can be feeling one day and the next can bring back some of the fiercest pain and knock him right back down for a day or too. We are grateful for ALL days, however we get them.



I thought you would all like to know that Shamika has returned. She has been parked at our home for almost a week now. Kirk seems to have a little twinkle in his eye and skip in his step when she is here. I am not jealous. Really. No...REALLY. If she was a living, breathing woman I would maybe be a little bit jealous.

Who am I kidding?

Kirk loves this bike beyond explanation. I accept this because it makes him happy. When he is happy, I am happy. That's how marriages work, when two people love each other enough to let them live. That brings me to the title of this post....How would you want to go?

Kirk has sarcastically told me through the years that if he dies while riding his motorcycle, "Know that I went with a smile!" While I would sarcastically respond with, "You have increased your life insurance policy, right?", I never really thought we would face this type of situation. After all, don't we all think, "That will never happen to me."?

On tonight's walk I brought up this "If I die..." comment and Kirk, in all seriousness, stood by his statement saying, "Hon, I'm not kidding, I would go doing what I loved!" My response was, "And if you don't die?"

Maybe it is just women who think like this. I am looking at Our Adventure and feeling so blessed that Kirk has healed in ways we didn't even think was possible. The initial outlook was NOT good and here we are 50 days later looking forward to him returning to work soon.

Kirk had some good comments tonight, "Do you stop living life? Do you stop crossing the street for fear that you'll get hit by a car?"

We both firmly believe that when it is your time to go, it is your time to go. Whether you are in a sinking ship or sitting in your recliner watching reruns of Frasier, when Heavenly Father needs you home, you are going.

There has to be a happy medium here. We will find it and figure out what is right for us. In the meantime, Shamika is resting peacefully with a nice cover draped over her and the battery tender keeping the home fires burning;)



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Happy Birthday Dani Lou!

It has been a good day. Day 49 of Our Adventure.

Kirk has been sore the last few days and as you can imagine, this does not work into his instant recovery very well.  We are one week away from returning to work light-duty and he is really pushing himself to be able to be sitting/standing/walking for more than a few hours at a time.  He will get there, and if you ask me, I think he is doing fabulous!!

 Today is Dani's (our oldest daughter) birthday and we celebrated with her favorite meal of Gnocchi.  For those of you who did not have the pleasure of having an Italian Nonna (grandmother) who taught you some of those amazing old-world recipes....I am truly sorry.  You have really missed out.  Please enjoy the actual aerial view of her Gnocchi, fresh green beans and squash, homemade rolls and homemade apple pie.....













Trust me...it was REALLY good.



She is worth it.  We are so blessed to be her parents.  She is a wonderful daughter, sister, wife, grand-daughter and friend.  We are constantly in awe of her compassion, goodness, intelligence and beauty.  If we are one tenth of what she is...we count ourselves pretty darn lucky.

Dani, Bryn and Kirk at the 2012 Orem City Firefighter's 5K.

Happy Birthday Dani Lou!!!

How Firm a Foundation

48 days since Our Adventure began.

We were able to go to sacrament meeting today and it was wonderful to see our ward family, in person, and be uplifted with music and their testimonies.



Because I Have Been Given Much was the first hymn of the meeting. After the earthquakes in Haiti, Kirk was able to serve the amazing people there with the Utah Hospital Task Force for 3 weeks. This hymn was one the group sang on the flight to Haiti. As soon as I realized what hymn we were singing, I looked at Kirk, knowing that it holds so much meaning for him. I opened the hymn book and Kirk, very emotionally, said, "I can't sing it." Only a moment passed before I heard him say, "Yes I can."

"Yes I Can" seems to represent Our Adventure perfectly.

At the end of the meeting was another powerful hymn, How Firm A Foundation. I found myself recognizing the last 48 days in the words of the hymn especially, very literally, the third line of the third verse.

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?

In every condition, in sickness, in health;
In poverty’s vale, or abounding in wealth;
At home and abroad, on the land, on the sea,
As thy days may demand, shall thy strength ever be.

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

How grateful we are for the small and simple things that bless us each day. I hope you take the time to recognize the lessons that are so freely given. Our Adventure has made us much more aware of these things that used to pass us by.

Love to you all!

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Adaptable

"Life is uncharted territory. It reveals its story one moment at a time" ~Leo Buscuglia

We have been making our way through the uncharted territory of Our Adventure for 46 days. Some days are like being in a deep fog of the unknowing but most days our path seems brilliantly clear.

Kirk is improving every day in strength, endurance and, if possible, hope.

He is still pushing some limits but seems to have accepted the "Marathon Mentality" in most of his activities. His main focus right now is increasing the amount of time he is out of bed, walking, sitting and standing. Since the doctor told him that he could be released for light duty on September 10th, it is all he can think of....getting back to the Brotherhood at Orem City.

The last week has been bursting with blessings and sprinkled with reminders of all that Kirk normally does for me and our family. It is a powerful testimony of "You don't know what you have until it is gone".

For years, Kirk has been the family "repairman" fixing everything from air conditioners, toilets, cars and yard tools. This is a natural talent he has that was noticed and nurtured from a young age by his dad and his grandpa Williams. Dad and Grandpa would be working on a motor of some kind and would have Kirk hold the light or hand them tools. At that time it may have seemed like a chore but he has been blessed with the experiences and knowledge throughout his life.



This blessing came full circle this week as he taught Bryn how to change the brakes on her car. He talked her through each step, handed her tools and shared generations of knowledge with her. Normally, Kirk would have completed this task on his own. Quickly, efficiently and effortlessly.

Bryn was so proud of herself, and so were we. She is a generally amazing girl that has an uncanny knack of making everything look easy. She said that the first wheel took over an hour to complete but the second one took only thirty minutes. I can honestly say that I do not personally know any other woman that has changed the brakes on her car. Impressive:)

This week has reminded me that adventure requires adaptation. I often think of a neighbor boy that just wanted to hang out with Bryn. She wasn't always excited about the idea of spending her day with a boy and would come up with suggestions of activities she was sure he would reject. He was willing to accept anything she threw at him, just to have a friend to play with. One time, she pulled out the big guns and told him, "I really just want to play Barbies today." His quick response left her speechless, "Great! I'll be Ken." From that time forth we referred to him as "Mr. Adaptable."

It is amazing the things we can learn in life if we are just willing to be adaptable.
Love to you all.



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Miracles All Around

It's been a few days since the last post and tonight I find I have a few minutes to give a little update.

It is day 45 since the Adventure began.

Actually, since OUR Adventure began.

We have had perma-grins on our faces since last Wednesday when we received the most beautiful news that Kirk would be released for light-duty on September 10th and an anticipated full release on January 14th of next year. It truly is a miracle.

I was visiting with a lovely friend I have met through work today and relating the details of Our Adventure and the miracles we have been blessed with. As we talked about attitudes and trials and lessons learned, a very powerful thought came to my mind: We witness miracles everyday but only seem to openly recognize them when in a crisis situation. Why is that?

I want to change that in my life. I want to be openly grateful for everything. For good times and bad. For busy days and restful evenings. For love, family, friends and even for friendships that have ended. I want to recognize the miracle of forgiveness, of healing and of the atonement. I want to be aware of the miracle of life, including my own. Every breath is a miracle. I need to make the most of even every breath.

Unfortunately, we get so caught up in "life" that we miss the miracles in every moment. How did we get here? And is there a map to get back?

I've decided I will set a specific time aside each day to focus on the every day miracles, vocalize them, write them down. They will eventually become the way I look at life and the things I focus on. It's my little way of taking some of that control back in my life. (A shout out to my fellow control freaks;))

So today, I would like to tell you about a couple of miracles in my day....
1. It is a miracle that I have not killed Kirk through my medication mis-management as he found an error in my preparation of pills for him today. Just last night, while filling all of the meds I thought to myself, "Dang, I'm getting good at this."

2. It is a miracle that Kirk is able to notice my mis-management of pills and correct it and that he can now choose to manage his own medications. :)

3. Our girls, Bryn and Dani, and son-in-law Steven, are miracles. They continue to take care of things for us without even thinking about it. Dani said today, "That's what we do. We haven't done anything out of the ordinary." What she is forgetting is that every minute she or Steven or Bryn spends taking care of things for us is a minute of their time they are not taking care of their own things. We are grateful.

4. Our family and friends are miracles. They have been there for every thing we need and more. We honestly don't know how we will repay them. It will take a few more miracles.....but we believe in miracles.

Love to you all!



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Normal

Day 42.

Kirk and I just got back from a short walk and got to visit with several of the neighbors on our street. They would each come out as we passed by their home and share some of their strength with us. It is so inspiring to feel the love and concern they have for Kirk and our family. Another blessing of the Adventure.



As we crossed the street from the neighbors house to our home, Don and D'Anne Blackburn pulled up and visited for a few minutes. They are simply amazing neighbors, very spiritually strong and not afraid to share those deep feelings that most of us cannot even put words to. I appreciate that so much from them. It seems to give me more strength and ability to share my feelings with others.

Kirk and Don talked on one side of the car and D'Anne and I talked on the other side while the dogs circled the car in the middle of the road. Some of the best visits occur in the oddest places:)

Kirk and Don talked about lessons we learn in our lives, especially in situations as our Adventure. We seems to learn something every day. Every minute! I am amazed at the multitude of lessons that are available to each of us, if we will just make an effort to recognize them and be grateful for them. Being grateful for every lesson can be the difficult part. They aren't always happy lessons. Sometimes the lesson can reveal truths about yourself that you aren't willing to accept, improve or change.

Don suggested that going through these kind of experiences can help us learn to help others in their difficult times. We totally agree!

Until you are homebound, you will never understand how important a phone call or visit is to someone.

Until you lose the feeling in your legs, you will never fully appreciate the ability to wiggle your toes.

Until we walk in someone else's shoes, we will never understand what they are going through, or how uncomfortable they might be;)

The bottom line? We had no idea how much others may be struggling, until our Adventure began. We were too busy with trivial things to notice what was right in front of us.

Our life is now at a much slower pace and the view is like nothing we have ever seen before. That perfect sunset. It is precisely where we need to be.

As much as we both think we would like life to get back to normal, we wouldn't trade the Adventure or the lessons we are learning. It is our new "normal". We will adjust and we will embrace it.







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Kate, Wes and the Four C's

Day 40.

6 week mark since the beginning of the Adventure.

Kate Jordan, one of Bryn's best friends and a girl we choose to call one of our own, got married today to Wes Jacobsen. It was beautiful and I am so glad we were able to be there to witness that once in a lifetime moment with them and their family and friends.

We had a very low key day again today as Kirk was still so sore from Thursday's exertion. He knew he would need his energy to be able to be at Kate and Wes's wedding.



Shortly after the ceremony started I looked over at Kirk and asked him if he was okay. He showed me his shirt sleeve that was starting to soak through with sweat, at his wrists! Wearing his turtle shell is like walking around in a mini sauna. By the time we got home and he removed his shell, his shirt was soaked. I think he would tell you it was totally worth it.

The ceremony was officiated by Rod Oldroyd and he drew everyone's attention to four words that they would hear in the actual marriage ceremony; Choose, Companion, Cleave and Cherish. They were choosing each other as their Companion and they should Cleave to each other and Cherish each other. Beautiful words that should be remembered every day.

I snapped a few pictures of the wedding and wanted to share them with you.





























We were also blessed by Danielle, Whitney and Kate Carly and their "Girl's Day" cinnamon rolls and sugar cookies. I think Danielle is trying to fatten us up! We're okay with that....this was her best batch yet;)





Hope you all had a wonderful Saturday too!
















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Balance

TGIF and it is day 39.

Unbelievable.

I think all of the excitement of Wednesday's good news has caught up with Kirk today. He is physically and emotionally spent. He met his goal and walked our three mile walk yesterday and is definitely paying for it today. It is a continual cycle in our lives lately......feel pretty good, push harder physically, spend the next 24-36 hours recuperating. No one said it was a good cycle. Just a cycle.

I can see how tempting it is to hurry up the healing. Kirk usually spends his day with power on full blast. It is rare to see him sit still for longer than an hour or so, unless it is football season. Wednesday's news was wonderful and harmful at the same time. Wonderful, because it gave us news that we didn't dare to expect. Harmful because it almost gives a false sense of "I'm good to go".

At the beginning of our Adventure, Dr. Gardner firmly told me that I would have to reign Kirk in. "This is a marathon, not a sprint." Convincing my adventure loving, super-action hero is another story. (I am open to suggestions on how to do this.)

Today was the first day that Kirk did not have someone here with him for the majority of the day. As much as he tries to let me and the girls know he is "fine" with being alone, he did admit it was a very long day. There is just so much TV one can watch before being disgusted with society or purchasing a very expensive item.

Kirk did have a visit from Mom and Dad, Rick and Lori and Springville High School friend, Mike Christensen. These are the the things that balance out the boredom and the pain.


Kirk and I watched one of our favorite shows tonight, American Pickers. Two guys, Frank and Mike, travel the country trying to find antiques and treasures that they can refurbish, resell or retain as their own. It's like a Deseret Industries, Garage Sale, Estate Sale Heaven. Okay...maybe just my kind of heaven.

On tonight's episode they found this old toy called a "balancing man". It was a small man standing on a tall platform holding a long rod with both of his hands. At either end of the rod was a weighted ball. My grandfather, Dan Carly, was a master craftsman and made many wooden toys and novelty items for family and friends. One of the items he made was a balancing man. I was always fascinated with that toy. It was almost impossible to knock him over because the load he carried was perfectly balanced. No matter what you did, he stayed atop that platform, rocking, wobbling, never falling.

There has definitely been a lot of rocking and wobbling in our lives since our Adventure began. We are trying to balance the load and not fall but it is not as easy as that toy made it look. I guess the best part is that we get another chance every morning to rebalance our load. Eventually, we will be immoveable, nothing will tip us over.

One of my friends, Brian Cole, posted a great quote on Facebook and it is precisely what I needed today.
"I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition."
~Martha Washington

Cheerful. I like that. I am going to dig that balancing man out of storage and put it somewhere that it will remind us everyday that we need to find the balance in our Adventure.

Love to you all!
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Paroled

Day 37....we have been given another miracle!! Bert has been paroled! We went to the neuro-surgery follow-up appointment today and got the best news we could have ever hoped for.....Kirk will be able to go back to work, light-duty, on September 10th!

Wait..... it gets better.....

If he continues to progress like he has done so far...we are anticipating him returning to work, without restrictions, six months from the date the Adventure began. January 14th. This happens to also be the date we got engaged and our favorite niece Darci's birthday. Celebrations will be had throughout the land!






This is Kirk with Starlene Clayson, Dr. Paul Gardner's Nurse Practitioner and the bearer of our incredible news. I don't know if she realizes how much her words changed our lives today.




The first thing on Kirk's mind as we left the doctor's office was to get his paperwork to Orem City. It was an official release to go back to work in September. With perm-a-grins on our faces and papers in hand, Kirk headed to his 'other home'. We entered the building and there are two levels of stairs that he will most likely be climbing each day on light-duty. "Here goes. Lets see if I can do it." He reached the top of the stairs, walked through the door and came to a stop. I thought he was going to pass out, maybe it was too much. He was visibly shaken. I looked at him and said, "Are you okay?" "Yes." he said in a whisper, "I can't believe I'm here."

Word got out pretty quickly, it happens that way in a police department. Within minutes the Brethren were coming out of their offices, hugging and hand-shaking. Shock and smiles. He was home.





Kirk made the rounds, peeking in every office, letting them know he was back. Sharing his excitement, gathering strength from the Brethren, and even the Sisters;). They may never know how much this meant to him. How much strength it gave him. How much he loves them.


It didn't take long for Kirk to find a seat, kick back and enjoy the camaraderie. Oh how he has missed them.






His fire Brethren were on shift and he could not leave Orem without stopping in to tell them the great news. Unfortunately, they were out on a call. He left them a message and headed home.









Anticipating what we would hear at this appointment has been at the forefront of our mind for the last few weeks. I have been jokingly saying that Kirk fully expected to be released to go back to work on the 23rd, the day after the appointment. We were talking about it one night and he said, "Hey, I've been given one miracle, I could be given another one."

Today we received miracle number two.

Thank you Heavenly Father.

Thank you everyone for the prayers on our behalf.

We will not waste it.

Love to you all!


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Bert's Birthday

Day 36 of the Adventure and we are thrilled to be celebrating Kirk's birthday. He won't be getting the senior citizen discount anytime soon but he is officially one year older.

I thought I would just post some pics from our last 36 days to remind you why we are so thrilled. He has come so far!






























































Kirk got to hang out with his dad and Bryn while I was at work.
Then Dani and Steven came over and joined us for take-out dinner from La Casita, one of Kirk's favorite places.


Brad and Darlene,, Mom and Dad, Peg, Rick, Lori and Cole and Matt dropped in with well wishes and goodies.








Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers! We wouldn't be here without them;)
Love you all!





























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