The SWARM

Day 73 of Our Adventure.
Can you believe it has been over 9 weeks since it all began?
I was thinking about that a lot this morning. Some of it still seems very surreal. The rest of it is a reminder that it is VERY real. It's all good, in the big picture of life.
Both Kirk and Bryn have been sick this week and they were kind enough to share their good fortune with me:( They both missed several days of life/work and both seem on the mend. Being an overachiever, I intend to make short work of the gift and be 100% tomorrow...wish me luck.
Kirk was invited to a SWARM on Saturday and, wanting to spend some more time with him, I invited myself to go too. I had to ask him what a SWARM was, I am pretty sure you might be wondering too. A SWARM is kind of like a remote control mini-convention for those who fly RC Planes. They all stand on the pre-determined "flight line" and release their planes at the same time. It sounds like a swarm of bees and is actually pretty darn cool to see. Here is the video footage I took of it:

One of my favorite parts of the SWARM were the two little commentators on the lawn in front of me. I have no idea who they are but, dang it was fun listening to their views on the event.
A couple of The Brethren, current and retired, were there making planes, flying them and having all manner of fun as they attempted to take the planes with the streamers out of the air.

















A big shout out to Ralph Derico, Jake Ervin and Dan Holdaway. It is always great to see you boys. I did ask Kirk why Cheryl and Kim weren't there and he said, "This is kind of a guy thing." Whoops;) Maybe next time.
Over the last few weeks, almost everywhere we go, someone we run into mentions the blog, that they read it, enjoy it and share it. How beautiful is that!? Thank you. We are humbled and inspired and hope that you find something of value in Our Adventure that can help make your life better.
I love this picture of Kirk at the SWARM. Yes, he does have his brace on under the sweatshirt.....otherwise he would look even skinnier! I keep trying to fatten him up without success.




I don't know that we could say this enough........THANK YOU. We are so grateful for the wonderful, genuine friendships we have come to count on in our lives. Your thoughts and prayers, positiveness, service, example and love have held us up through some of the most difficult times we have know. There truly is strength in numbers, especially when it is focused on good.
Love to you all!
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Tomorrow

"Tomorrow is the most important thing in life.
It comes to us at midnight very clean.
It is perfect when it arrives and puts itself in our hands.
It hopes that we have learned something from yesterday."
~John Wayne

Today is the 69th day since Our Adventure began.

Kirk has been plugging away, putting in lots of hours of light-duty work at Orem City. His spirits are lifted so much by The Brethren. They probably don't even know how loved they are.....in a professional way, of course:)

He stayed home from work today not because he wanted to, but because his body told him it would not be in a standing position for more than a few minutes at a time. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Our sweet Bryn shared the quote at the beginning of the post. When I read it I immediately knew it was meant for me today. Do you ever have moments like that?

Let's just say...."It's been a day." Whew...I feel much better:)

So many times I get caught up in the moments of today, stress, smiles, happiness and frustration, and I let it set the tone for the rest of the day. I realize that this is not very productive, but that does not lessen the "attractiveness" of letting emotions take the proverbial wheel and drive you wherever it may. Unfortunately, emotions rarely take you to your planned "destination".

Our Adventure has opened up a treasure chest of emotions for our entire family. We have laughed, cried, worried, been hopeful, anxious, grateful, joyful and elated. Actually, where haven't our emotions been?

Emotions are tricky little things that have much more control of our actions and words than any of us would be willing to admit. (There's that "control" word again.....why does it always seem to be in the shadows just waiting to jump out and do something crazy?)

So, today is almost over. Tomorrow is going to be beautiful. We all have another 24 hours to smile, serve, pray, help, guide and inspire. And after that, we will get another 24 hours to improve on everything again.


I am looking forward to midnight. In fact, I may just stay up to welcome tomorrow with open arms.



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8 Weeks Ago Today

Can you believe it has been eight weeks since Our Adventure began?

Sometimes it seems like years ago. Other times it feels like it was just yesterday.

We started today early by walking at the 8th Annual Suicide Prevention Walk in Provo. The theme was HOPE; Hold On. Persuade. Empower. It was good to spend our morning supporting some very special people in our lives and we are so grateful for the memories of those we have lost.

The walk was two miles and the route was one big square of several city blocks. At each corner stood a silent sign holder sharing a powerful message. I especially loved this one:




The majority of us have seen or heard the words of the Serenity Prayer throughout our lives but today they seemed to shout out to me "Hey You! Pay attention!"

In my mind, the Serenity Prayer has been a type of mantra for Alcoholics Anonymous, a poetic reminder that Heavenly Father has a plan, whether we like it or not. We cannot tell Him what to do, we just need to pay attention to the promptings of what He needs us to do.

For some reason, I have struggled with this in the last two months. But I am being reminded daily that I am not in charge. It's a bittersweet kind of thing:)

I am thinking of starting a new support group for people who think they can fix everything by themselves and in the process they create a whole new series of problems. I know I have mentioned Control Freaks Anonymous before but my BFF Cheryl said it's not actually "Anonymous" if you openly admit it.

This seems to present another problem........

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9-11

61 days since Our Adventure began.

2 full days of light-duty work behind us.

Dang! He really is a superhero!!

I am not sure that there is really anything one could look forward to when anticipating light-duty status. Aren't you really doing the work that no one else wants to do while you watch all of your team mates do what you REALLY want to be doing? Light-duty is quite possibly an employers solution for a quicker healing time for employees.

Today's light duty assignment was a life changing, emotional ride for Kirk and he felt privileged to be in the presence of Lieutenant Joe Torrillo of the New York Fire Department as he retold his life experiences and surviving the World Trade Center Attacks.





Joe is a Hero. A man who went above and beyond his strength, his duty and his position to save the lives of countless victims of the terror attacks 11 years ago, today.

Kirk shared a quote with me that Joe shared at this event, "You want to make God laugh? Tell him what you are going to do tomorrow."

Isn't that the truth. God does have a plan and it is certain that we are all in it.

You can read his whole story here:Joe Torrillo's 9-11 Story/

I am so thankful for men like Joe. He has affected my Hero today in a very positive way. An experience he may not have ever gotten without being on light-duty. All you other Brethren are jealous now, aren't you?

Did I mention I have a motorcycle for sale;)

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He's Back!!

He did it! He even made it the whole day! Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers throughout Our Adventure. We absolutely could not have gotten to this point without you.

Thank you City of Orem Police, Fire, Paramedics, Dispatchers, Office Staff. You have made the rough road smoother.

Thank you to all of our sweet family, friends and neighbors. It would be impossible to name everyone as we have been so blessed by so many.

Our biggest THANK YOU to our Father in Heaven who truly knows what we need and when we need it.

How blessed are we?

How blessed are we all?

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Needy

Day 59 of Our Adventure. Less than 12 hours away from Kirk's big return to work tomorrow morning.
There are mixed feelings at this juncture. Kind of like having your youngest child graduate from high school and move out to pursue their dreams. The end of one adventure and the beginning of another.
We have carefully chosen our activities in the last few days, trying to anticipate and manage pain levels. Kirk had planned to go have lunch with the Brethren yesterday but decided it would be better to rest. Sometimes you have to rearrange your plans to fit your life.
I don't think I have had one clear, concise thought this whole weekend. I have tried to focus on the task at hand only to have it interrupted by thoughts of Kirk being at work. Examining my anxiety on this subject leaves me unable to name one thing that concerns me, just general uneasiness. I have been trying to put a name on it and I have finally decided I must just be needy.
Kirk and I joke about "neediness" a lot. Either of us can tell the other, at any time, "I think I am feeling needy" and we immediately turn our attention to each other. This phrase has rarely been uttered by Kirk and when it is utilized, it is usually me interrupting a string of motorcycle rides interspersed with mandatory "work" days. After all, someone has to pay for these rides.


One would think that having their spouse home for almost two months, unable to bend over to pick up their socks, load the dishwasher or do the laundry, would be quite enough time spent together. I don't really see it that way. I have actually learned that there is so much more that I need from him that his ability to trim his own toenails.
I have been emotionally exhausted this weekend, mostly filled with my neediness thoughts, I guess. Bottom line.....I need this man. I need him to be happy and fulfilled. I need him to need me at his side. I need his smile, his laughter and his hand to hold. I need him to protect me, strengthen me and tell me when I am getting too needy:)
Turns out that Heavenly Father knows these things too. That is why he has blessed me with this amazing man. It is also, quite possibly, the reason we have been blessed with Our Adventure. We are reminded every day how much we need each other in a world where everyone seems to be searching for solitude. I've got to tell you, life is so much better together than it could ever be alone.
Because I have one of those very odd brains I keep thinking of acronyms for the word NEED. Here are just a few for your giggling pleasure:
Never Ending Emotional Day
Now Entering Emotional Dump
Not Everyone Enjoys Dogs.....(where did this come from?)
New Experiences Emit Delirium
Yep. I am needy. I am okay with this.
Thank you for letting me vent. And Please, pray for my man that everything will go well tomorrow. I am sure it will, but everyone needs that little extra assurance that knowing their friends and family are praying for them brings.
Wait, that means you might be needy too.....just saying;)

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Art

57 Days since the beginning of Our Adventure.

3 more days until Kirk returns to work (light-duty) with the Brethren. He is actually going to head to Orem tomorrow to have a fireman's lunch with his crew. He is really looking forward to that.






We went to an art show at Terra Nova gallery in Provo tonight that featured our amazingly talented and beautiful niece, Darci Bertelsen and her friend and fellow awe inspiring artist, Mark Crenshaw. Their work is wonderful. Oh, to be young and wildly talented.

Kirk was the lucky winner at the art show of a portrait of himself by artist Grant L. Lund. Mr. Lund actually completed the portrait in about 30 minutes as Kirk sat in front of the art gallery. It was super cool to watch this man use his talent to depict what he saw in Kirk on to paper. The result?




Everyone's perspective is different. I think the drawing is wonderful but it is not my perception of my sweetheart. In fact, if a vote had been held by those who were there and know Kirk, (Rick, Lori, Connie, Me, Dani, Kirk, Darci) 100% of us would have agreed that this rendition of Kirk is an actual futuristic drawing of him in about 22 years. Yep. Kirk at age 60.

After Kirk received his portrait and went in to enjoy Darci and Mark's paintings, I asked him what he thought. He held the picture up and said, "I look old." It was not expressed happily, more of a shocked and stunned kind of response.


Almost all of us have had one of those moments where you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and think, "Where did that wrinkle come from?" In all reality, those things don't just happen over night, it takes time and effort to work a wrinkle into your skin. The same muscle movement has to occur habitually, for years, to create a crease in your skin. That muscle movement can be a smile, a frown, squinting, even the way you lay your head on your pillow can cause a wrinkle to form over time.

I remember Nonna, my grandmother, fretting over her wrinkles one day. I looked at her and told her I thought she looked beautiful. All of those lines in her face were like a road map of her life. All of the hard work, raising three boys, gardening, laughing, happiness and sadness. All of those experiences created a beautiful work of art. She didn't agree. And honestly, the older I get, the more I understand her disagreement.

It all boils down to perspective.

How do you see yourself? Do you see wrinkles and age spots or do you see a lifetime of moments and experiences combined to create a beautiful, unique work of art?

I'm afraid I worry more about those darn wrinkles than I should.

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How Do You Want To Go?

Can you believe it has been 50 days?

We can't and we are living Our Adventure. Kirk just said, "Can you believe how long it takes to heal?"

Yes. Yes I can.

We just got back from a lovely walk in the Mapleton darkness. Very few towns are like our sweet Mapleton. Country charm, very few street lights, chickens across the street and even in the cloak of darkness you can recognize your neighbors voice as he jogs past you and says "It's good to see you out." (Right back at you Andrew Woodworth!)

We just earned our second traffic light in town and it was kind of bittersweet. A second traffic light suggests growth and we don't want to lose that small town, rural feel but it sure is great to be able to get across Highway 89 at Maple Street. Yep. Bittersweet.

Today has been a good day for Kirk. His pain seems to have subsided a bit after the last few days. It is amazing how wonderful he can be feeling one day and the next can bring back some of the fiercest pain and knock him right back down for a day or too. We are grateful for ALL days, however we get them.



I thought you would all like to know that Shamika has returned. She has been parked at our home for almost a week now. Kirk seems to have a little twinkle in his eye and skip in his step when she is here. I am not jealous. Really. No...REALLY. If she was a living, breathing woman I would maybe be a little bit jealous.

Who am I kidding?

Kirk loves this bike beyond explanation. I accept this because it makes him happy. When he is happy, I am happy. That's how marriages work, when two people love each other enough to let them live. That brings me to the title of this post....How would you want to go?

Kirk has sarcastically told me through the years that if he dies while riding his motorcycle, "Know that I went with a smile!" While I would sarcastically respond with, "You have increased your life insurance policy, right?", I never really thought we would face this type of situation. After all, don't we all think, "That will never happen to me."?

On tonight's walk I brought up this "If I die..." comment and Kirk, in all seriousness, stood by his statement saying, "Hon, I'm not kidding, I would go doing what I loved!" My response was, "And if you don't die?"

Maybe it is just women who think like this. I am looking at Our Adventure and feeling so blessed that Kirk has healed in ways we didn't even think was possible. The initial outlook was NOT good and here we are 50 days later looking forward to him returning to work soon.

Kirk had some good comments tonight, "Do you stop living life? Do you stop crossing the street for fear that you'll get hit by a car?"

We both firmly believe that when it is your time to go, it is your time to go. Whether you are in a sinking ship or sitting in your recliner watching reruns of Frasier, when Heavenly Father needs you home, you are going.

There has to be a happy medium here. We will find it and figure out what is right for us. In the meantime, Shamika is resting peacefully with a nice cover draped over her and the battery tender keeping the home fires burning;)



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How Firm a Foundation

48 days since Our Adventure began.

We were able to go to sacrament meeting today and it was wonderful to see our ward family, in person, and be uplifted with music and their testimonies.



Because I Have Been Given Much was the first hymn of the meeting. After the earthquakes in Haiti, Kirk was able to serve the amazing people there with the Utah Hospital Task Force for 3 weeks. This hymn was one the group sang on the flight to Haiti. As soon as I realized what hymn we were singing, I looked at Kirk, knowing that it holds so much meaning for him. I opened the hymn book and Kirk, very emotionally, said, "I can't sing it." Only a moment passed before I heard him say, "Yes I can."

"Yes I Can" seems to represent Our Adventure perfectly.

At the end of the meeting was another powerful hymn, How Firm A Foundation. I found myself recognizing the last 48 days in the words of the hymn especially, very literally, the third line of the third verse.

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?

In every condition, in sickness, in health;
In poverty’s vale, or abounding in wealth;
At home and abroad, on the land, on the sea,
As thy days may demand, shall thy strength ever be.

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

How grateful we are for the small and simple things that bless us each day. I hope you take the time to recognize the lessons that are so freely given. Our Adventure has made us much more aware of these things that used to pass us by.

Love to you all!

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Adaptable

"Life is uncharted territory. It reveals its story one moment at a time" ~Leo Buscuglia

We have been making our way through the uncharted territory of Our Adventure for 46 days. Some days are like being in a deep fog of the unknowing but most days our path seems brilliantly clear.

Kirk is improving every day in strength, endurance and, if possible, hope.

He is still pushing some limits but seems to have accepted the "Marathon Mentality" in most of his activities. His main focus right now is increasing the amount of time he is out of bed, walking, sitting and standing. Since the doctor told him that he could be released for light duty on September 10th, it is all he can think of....getting back to the Brotherhood at Orem City.

The last week has been bursting with blessings and sprinkled with reminders of all that Kirk normally does for me and our family. It is a powerful testimony of "You don't know what you have until it is gone".

For years, Kirk has been the family "repairman" fixing everything from air conditioners, toilets, cars and yard tools. This is a natural talent he has that was noticed and nurtured from a young age by his dad and his grandpa Williams. Dad and Grandpa would be working on a motor of some kind and would have Kirk hold the light or hand them tools. At that time it may have seemed like a chore but he has been blessed with the experiences and knowledge throughout his life.



This blessing came full circle this week as he taught Bryn how to change the brakes on her car. He talked her through each step, handed her tools and shared generations of knowledge with her. Normally, Kirk would have completed this task on his own. Quickly, efficiently and effortlessly.

Bryn was so proud of herself, and so were we. She is a generally amazing girl that has an uncanny knack of making everything look easy. She said that the first wheel took over an hour to complete but the second one took only thirty minutes. I can honestly say that I do not personally know any other woman that has changed the brakes on her car. Impressive:)

This week has reminded me that adventure requires adaptation. I often think of a neighbor boy that just wanted to hang out with Bryn. She wasn't always excited about the idea of spending her day with a boy and would come up with suggestions of activities she was sure he would reject. He was willing to accept anything she threw at him, just to have a friend to play with. One time, she pulled out the big guns and told him, "I really just want to play Barbies today." His quick response left her speechless, "Great! I'll be Ken." From that time forth we referred to him as "Mr. Adaptable."

It is amazing the things we can learn in life if we are just willing to be adaptable.
Love to you all.



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Miracles All Around

It's been a few days since the last post and tonight I find I have a few minutes to give a little update.

It is day 45 since the Adventure began.

Actually, since OUR Adventure began.

We have had perma-grins on our faces since last Wednesday when we received the most beautiful news that Kirk would be released for light-duty on September 10th and an anticipated full release on January 14th of next year. It truly is a miracle.

I was visiting with a lovely friend I have met through work today and relating the details of Our Adventure and the miracles we have been blessed with. As we talked about attitudes and trials and lessons learned, a very powerful thought came to my mind: We witness miracles everyday but only seem to openly recognize them when in a crisis situation. Why is that?

I want to change that in my life. I want to be openly grateful for everything. For good times and bad. For busy days and restful evenings. For love, family, friends and even for friendships that have ended. I want to recognize the miracle of forgiveness, of healing and of the atonement. I want to be aware of the miracle of life, including my own. Every breath is a miracle. I need to make the most of even every breath.

Unfortunately, we get so caught up in "life" that we miss the miracles in every moment. How did we get here? And is there a map to get back?

I've decided I will set a specific time aside each day to focus on the every day miracles, vocalize them, write them down. They will eventually become the way I look at life and the things I focus on. It's my little way of taking some of that control back in my life. (A shout out to my fellow control freaks;))

So today, I would like to tell you about a couple of miracles in my day....
1. It is a miracle that I have not killed Kirk through my medication mis-management as he found an error in my preparation of pills for him today. Just last night, while filling all of the meds I thought to myself, "Dang, I'm getting good at this."

2. It is a miracle that Kirk is able to notice my mis-management of pills and correct it and that he can now choose to manage his own medications. :)

3. Our girls, Bryn and Dani, and son-in-law Steven, are miracles. They continue to take care of things for us without even thinking about it. Dani said today, "That's what we do. We haven't done anything out of the ordinary." What she is forgetting is that every minute she or Steven or Bryn spends taking care of things for us is a minute of their time they are not taking care of their own things. We are grateful.

4. Our family and friends are miracles. They have been there for every thing we need and more. We honestly don't know how we will repay them. It will take a few more miracles.....but we believe in miracles.

Love to you all!



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Normal

Day 42.

Kirk and I just got back from a short walk and got to visit with several of the neighbors on our street. They would each come out as we passed by their home and share some of their strength with us. It is so inspiring to feel the love and concern they have for Kirk and our family. Another blessing of the Adventure.



As we crossed the street from the neighbors house to our home, Don and D'Anne Blackburn pulled up and visited for a few minutes. They are simply amazing neighbors, very spiritually strong and not afraid to share those deep feelings that most of us cannot even put words to. I appreciate that so much from them. It seems to give me more strength and ability to share my feelings with others.

Kirk and Don talked on one side of the car and D'Anne and I talked on the other side while the dogs circled the car in the middle of the road. Some of the best visits occur in the oddest places:)

Kirk and Don talked about lessons we learn in our lives, especially in situations as our Adventure. We seems to learn something every day. Every minute! I am amazed at the multitude of lessons that are available to each of us, if we will just make an effort to recognize them and be grateful for them. Being grateful for every lesson can be the difficult part. They aren't always happy lessons. Sometimes the lesson can reveal truths about yourself that you aren't willing to accept, improve or change.

Don suggested that going through these kind of experiences can help us learn to help others in their difficult times. We totally agree!

Until you are homebound, you will never understand how important a phone call or visit is to someone.

Until you lose the feeling in your legs, you will never fully appreciate the ability to wiggle your toes.

Until we walk in someone else's shoes, we will never understand what they are going through, or how uncomfortable they might be;)

The bottom line? We had no idea how much others may be struggling, until our Adventure began. We were too busy with trivial things to notice what was right in front of us.

Our life is now at a much slower pace and the view is like nothing we have ever seen before. That perfect sunset. It is precisely where we need to be.

As much as we both think we would like life to get back to normal, we wouldn't trade the Adventure or the lessons we are learning. It is our new "normal". We will adjust and we will embrace it.







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Bert's Birthday

Day 36 of the Adventure and we are thrilled to be celebrating Kirk's birthday. He won't be getting the senior citizen discount anytime soon but he is officially one year older.

I thought I would just post some pics from our last 36 days to remind you why we are so thrilled. He has come so far!






























































Kirk got to hang out with his dad and Bryn while I was at work.
Then Dani and Steven came over and joined us for take-out dinner from La Casita, one of Kirk's favorite places.


Brad and Darlene,, Mom and Dad, Peg, Rick, Lori and Cole and Matt dropped in with well wishes and goodies.








Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers! We wouldn't be here without them;)
Love you all!





























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Bullet Proof

Whew..... I cannot believe that it is only 8:30 PM. It has been a long, fun-filled 34th day of our Adventure.
As I got everything ready for bed last night, Kirk told me he wanted me to sleep in today. "Don't come in to give me my pills, just sleep in, I'll be fine." As the 6:00 AM alarm went off on our phones to remind us about taking medication, I stayed in my bed and listened intently to hear the unmistakable sound of the lid being removed from the pill container. He had taken his meds and I drifted back to sleep. I woke up about 7:30 and cuddled with the dogs, making myself stay in the bed and not wake him up. The 8:00 AM alarm went off and again, I heard him take his meds. Our walkie-talkies didn't work last night so I texted him a message at 8:01 AM saying, "I'm going to stay in bed just a bit longer." He didn't respond and everything was so quiet coming from his room that I thought he must have gone back to sleep. About 8:15 I peeked into his room to check on him. As soon as he saw me he said, "I can't believe you would abandon me in my hour of need!" Now....if you don't know Kirk/Bert very well....this is said with the perfect amount of humor, timing and a sly little grin. He hadn't seen my text and was waiting to toss out his one-liner the minute he saw me. It was a beautiful, fun way to start our Saturday together.

Dr. Gardner had told us, when Kirk was released from the hospital, that he didn't want Kirk riding around in the car because being in a car wreck could really toss a wrench into the healing process. It is my belief that Dr. Gardner had no idea how good my driving record has been and was merely concerned about the skill of the OTHER drivers on the road. I have bent this rule a tiny, tiny bit. I have taken Kirk every Saturday morning to the local Gas-N-Go that our dear friend and neighbor, Chris Frampton, owns. Kirk gets a drink, visits with Chris for a minute and gets time out of "jail".
This morning, in a moment of sheer kindness I asked Kirk, "Would you like to drive?" I was unprepared for his quick response, "Yes!" That was it. I was locked in. I couldn't say, "Just kidding!" without some serious back-peddling. So, I went along for the ride....so to speak.




Today marks 5 weeks since the Adventure began and 5 weeks since Kirk has operated a motor vehicle. He did wonderfully! Of course, this went straight to his head and he got all cocky with me for the rest of the day. Kind of brave for a guy who is worried about me being there in his "time of need";)

Even with the weight loss and the back brace on, Kirk can still look pretty intimidating when he walks into a room. As we walked into Gas-N-Go a gentleman was walking out, took a long look at Kirk and asked, "Is that thing bullet proof?" I am sure it was hard for Kirk to answer without laughing, "It's a back brace. I broke my back." I think the Junior Police Officer sticker badge can fool a lot of people. I know it worked for me in several instances during my youth.

Our day continued with visits from friends, family and neighbors. It is mind boggling to see how many people Kirk has had an effect on through his life, that continue to love, serve and pray for his complete recovery. We have been so blessed and so humbled by the wonderful examples we have in our life.

Kirk had his second PUSH Therapy appointment with Jennifer Tippetts. Two days after his first appointment with her he was so sick and so sore that he said he wasn't sure he wanted to do that again. He is glad that he did, it was much less painful this time as his muscles are healing and getting stronger.








We ended the day at Rick and Lori's for our first "outing" including a great dinner of BBQ burgers and dogs and some seriously delicious sweet potato fries. I even let Kirk drive again! Okay, I didn't actually "let" him, he has taken the rover keys, hung them in his room where he can "keep his eye on them" and revoked my driving privileges in "his" car.

With his new-found cockiness he is going to wish that shell was bullet proof!

Truth be told, this is the guy I love! I have missed his teasing and fun sense of humor. I know he is getting better just by listening to him tease all of us. Welcome back sweetheart.

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Just Ask

Today is the 33rd day of our Adventure, our journey of learning and growing.

Kirk continues to push the limits, reaching as far as he can to return to life as we knew it as quick as he can. He is going stir-crazy not being able to get going and having to spend so much time in bed. Dad talked to him the other day about finding some new hobbies, ones that did not risk life and limb. "Maybe gardening or yard work." Dad offered. Kirk chuckled and said, "Dad, I hate yard work. And besides, this is the best my yard has looked because everyone else is taking care of it!" By this time they were both laughing. Two of my favorite men:)



Today marks one year since my uncle, Roger Carly, passed away. While I miss him and think of him daily, I am also grateful to feel his presence in our life. So much has changed in the last 365 days and I am keenly aware that none of it is in my hands. It never was. This is not just an admission, a baring of my control freak soul, it is an embrace of a new normal.

Our new normal is like looking through the glass of a shattered windshield. You can see the light, just not as clearly as you would like. Some things are distorted, maybe because we are not prepared to see them clearly yet. It's a process.

Part of the process finds me praying....a lot. I like to think that I used to pray regularly. I had a prayer in my heart, and thanked Heavenly Father for the things I felt that we were blessed with. Prayers, especially those filled with thanksgiving, seem so much more powerful now. I know Heavenly Father hasn't changed anything, which leaves only one conclusion....we have changed.

Prayer has changed our life as much as the Adventure has. In fact, the two seem inseparable. The Adventure began and we prayed. As soon as I hung up the phone with Steven telling me "Kirk's been in a motorcycle crash and they life flighted him to Utah Valley.....but he is okay.", I fell to my knees and prayed that he really was okay. As soon as family could be gathered at the hospital many more prayers were uttered and as he was readied for an MRI his dad and brother Rick gave him a priesthood blessing. As I watched family, doctors, co-workers and friends talk to him in those first few hours, I prayed that everything would go well. Within the first 24 hours the heavens were flooded with prayers on Kirk's behalf. We prayed for him. We prayed for the surgeons and staff. We prayed that he would not be paralyzed, that he would not have deficits, that we would all be able to understand and embrace our future. We prayed for the biggest things and the smallest things.

Our prayers have only increased. They have actually become continual. Why? Because we could not do this without Divine Guidance. Not praying for help but expecting that everything will go well is like trying to drive cross country without a map. Sure, there might be some road signs you can follow but without the guidance from a perfect source chances are you are going to get lost.
In our prayer together last night I asked Heavenly Father for a specific blessing. Today, it is like the floodgates opened....maybe just part way but open nonetheless. My first thought was to thank Heavenly Father. As I pulled over in my car and offered a prayer of thanksgiving I thought about how miraculous prayer is. In an instant I heard, "All you had to do was ask." That simple. All I had to do was ask.
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Sharing

It is day 32 and I would first like to apologize for no post yesterday. I asked Kirk last night what he would like to talk about on the blog and he said he felt like it was "a non-blog worthy day." So I put the Ipad away and we enjoyed a quiet evening together. It was a nice break after a long day.




Interestingly enough, both Dani and Bryn were here tonight for dinner and I asked them and Kirk what we should talk about on the blog tonight. They each rattled off some thoughts but followed them up with "We've talked about all of those things before. Life is getting back to normal and people aren't going to keep reading the blog."
I disagree.
And....in our family.....whatever Mom says, goes. Okay, maybe not, but it was worth a try;)
Just for the record.....I still disagree.
We have received countless comments, through email, facebook, the blog and personal conversations, about our Adventure and the positive way we are facing it. While we believe there is no other way to handle this situation, we are finding that this attitude is unique in society. I hope we can help others see a better way through sharing our experience.




We have some wonderful friends at the Payson Senior Center and love listening to their stories about life and learning. Through my work with Freedom Home Health and Hospice and other healthcare companies, I have been hanging out with these wonderful people for more than seven lucky years and have brought Kirk along with me to some of the activities I've attended. Not surprisingly, everyone loved him the moment they met him. He just has a gift for getting along with anyone. We have enjoyed going to different restaurants, cooking dutch oven dinners for them and even taking pictures of them at the annual Christmas party. Our lives have truly been blessed by our association and friendship with them.
Tammy Evans is the Assistant Director of the center and I will never forget a lesson she taught me one day. She had me hold a cup of water in my hand, arm stretched out, and she asked me how much I thought it weighed. I told her eight ounces. She asked me to continue to hold it there while she kept talking to me. After about 30 seconds she asked me again how much I thought it weighed. I told her I thought it still weighed eight ounces. She continued to talk for a couple of minutes while I held the cup out. She asked again, "How much does that weigh?" It actually felt heavier. I knew it hadn't changed, but my arm was getting tired and that made it feel heavier.
The lesson here? Holding that cup of water out seemed pretty easy at first but not ever having a break, either setting the cup down or even drinking some of the water, tired out my arm. This can be applied to any difficulties in life. If you don't set the burden, the worry, the stress down for a while, it will wear you out. It will seem to be much more than it actually is and much harder to deal with.
Having someone to share the Adventure with, Kirk, the girls, Our family and friends has helped lighten the load. Whether it is a phone call from Cheryl, a meal from the neighbors, a visit from a friend, Steven mowing the lawn, Dani bringing our granddog Hank up to visit or Bryn running our errands.....this list could go on and on..... Each and every effort helps lighten the load, gives a break to Kirk or me and brings so many blessings to our life.
I don't know if I ever realized how important these things can be for those on the receiving end. It is always easier to give than to receive and I'll bet that everyone reading this would be the first person volunteering to help someone in need. But, just as Karen Murray, Relief Society president in our marvelous Mapleton 21st ward told me, "Don't take the blessing of giving away from others."
Thank you to every one who has joined us on the Adventure. We will continue to share, maybe not everyday, but as often as we can, and we hope it can help someone in their life. We love you!!
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Shadows

Day 30. Wow! Can you believe it? I sometimes still have to pinch myself to make sure it's real.

Kirk got a "Get Out of Jail Free" card today (he calls being stuck in bed Jail) and was able to take a drive to Northwest Orthotics to have his turtle shell resized. He has lost so much weight that it is not supporting him like it should. I called this morning thinking they would just come to the house in the next few days but they wanted him to come in today!








We have been working with Russ since the night of the accident and he has been wonderful to continue altering the shell so that it fits Kirk perfectly. Thank you, Thank you Russ!












The entire outing took almost an hour and a half and Kirk seemed pretty happy about getting back to his "cell". I even left him alone for a couple of hours (gasp!!) and he lived through it! Good thing that Bryn stopped in to check on him and I am sure she rescued him from certain death.


While Kirk and I were driving back from Provo we were next to a pest control truck that had a picture of a large spider with an even larger shadow. The thought crossed my mind and quickly came out my mouth, "I think the reason people are afraid of spiders is because their shadows are  so big." Kirk chuckled and politely agreed.




As I have continued bustling about today I kept thinking about that spider shadow. Shadows are scary! Think of the most terrifying movie you have seen. Right before the scariest part you hear the heart pumping music, there is major darkness and then......a shadow. I read once that FEAR is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. That is a shadow!
Our Adventure has had some shadows. Little shadows. Big shadows. The biggest one is the shadow of the future. We have made so many plans, just like you have, but we really don't know what our future will bring until a little more light appears on the scene. We know this will just take time. That doesn't make it any less scary, but we can handle it. Something about an Adventure.......it is full of excitement!!
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My Gladiator

Day 27. It's been a good day. Wait...every day is a good day. Yes, some are better than others, but they are all good. He gets a little bit better every day. His pain still fluctuates and he is going a little stir-crazy but that is all to be expected.

I got home from work this afternoon and Kirk and Bryn were watching a movie called Gladiator.


Not sure if any of you have seen it, it's pretty violent, not my type of movie at all. However, watching Maximus, the main guy (wish I could tell you the actor's name, but, I'm not really a movie person), as he battled in the Coliseum wearing his armor, I saw Kirk. Powerful, strong, determined, focused, handsome. If Maximus had a choice, I think he would have chosen digital camo for his armor too;).



Kirk and I have been married for more than 25 years, blissful years. Kirk says it's 23 plus two years. I will agree that every single moment hasn't been perfect. There have been some disagreements here and there but I do not think they add up to two years. Besides, he went to school in Springville and I am not entirely sure that his mathematic skills are what they should be (sorry Red Devil friends).

Some of our highlights: Dani, Bryn, Steven, Maizy, Sadie, Mr. Bunny, Nikita, Oliver, Laska, Ebeneezer, Jasper, Spike 1 and Spike 2, Hitler the cat, Jazz, Crazy, Buddy, Gidget, Macaroni, several fish, Tweety, Makai, The Non'ts, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Friends, Family, 9 different moves, mostly on a national holiday, Bertelsen parties, camping, 4 wheeling, at least 27 different vehicles, countless motorcycles, sleep overs in our room, firetrucks, police cars, boating, Christmas Eve jammies, jumping on the trampoline, stick ponies, birthday surprises, laughing, crying, laughing some more.

I have a perma-grin right now just thinking about the girls at different times in their lives. They both have such a strong bond with Kirk, and with me, but they are definitely their "daddy's girls". They have pony-tailed his hair (when he had some), painted his nails and played lego for hours on the floor. He has taught them to ride a bike, drive a four-wheeler, drive a car, even fix a rear differential on a 66 Chevy truck. They have gone boating, camping, riding and shooting with their dad. He has given one "away" only to gain a son and friend. He has guided, grounded and given so much to these two. And they continue to give back. Don't you love it when kids learn good things from you? He is their hero, and mine. He is our Gladiator

Looking back on this list of beautiful moments in the last quarter of a century has altered my description of our life together. Yes, they have been blissful, but maybe Kirk is a little closer on the accuracy of it all. It is 23 years plus 2 years of a little bit better every day.






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Rare

I am having one of the most relaxing evenings I have had in almost a month. Today is day 26 of the adventure. Kirk is drifting in and out of sleep. I know this because his body twitches, then he snores very softly and it grows louder and LOUDER until it wakes him up. Then we start all over again. It is a beautiful sight and sound. How glad I am that I can hear him and see him.

The kids came over tonight, after being here most of the day, and cooked a delicious dinner of BBQ pork roast, grilled veggies and toasted garlic bread. Kirk had seconds! So, so rare anymore. Okay, most of us had seconds! It was THAT good! Thank you so much Steven, Dani and Bryn!


Kirk had his last therapy visit today. He will start again when he gets to stand without the turtle shell, a couple of months away from now. I just want to thank Brad Bennett for being a fabulous Physical Therapist, enduring our dogs and being such an encouragement to Kirk. He has taken the time to not only do his job but to get to know us. What a rarity in our society. When he arrived today Buddy started squeaking in happiness. That is also rare.




In fact.....much of what we have experienced in the last 26 days would be considered rare. My ADD brain has started pinging around on rare things and I thought of perfect scores in the Olympics, winning the lottery and even diamonds.

How do these things apply to our adventure? Easy....we are going for that rare, perfect score. Having Kirk here, is even better than winning the lottery (I think;)). And a diamond, the hardest substance known to man, starts out as a lump of coal and with incredible amounts of pressure and heat it becomes one of the most sought after, beautiful treasures.

As we continue through our adventure there is sure to be pressure-a-plenty and enough heat to make us boil but it will end up beautiful. We will become better, we will be stronger and we will shine!

Love to you all!
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Moments

Life is so amazing when you stand back, take a breath and focus on the precise moment you are in. How many times today have you focused on any one moment? Have there been moments today that should have been savored but in the bustle of life they passed by with hardly a thought? Let me share a couple of ours.......


Day 20. Date night. We decided to stay in tonight:) Glad we did or we would have missed some great company.

The first picture is of one of the many girls we claim as our own, Dani Brady, and her boys Jack and Nick. Dani has been in our life for about 15 years and has been one of our Dani's best friends. The dogs were so glad to have them here and the boys were totally mesmerized by Kirk and his "crash video".


This last picture is an older one of Jim and Danielle Carly and their adorable kids (L-R) Eli, Kate, Porter and Whitney. Jim is actually our cousin but we refer to him as a brother and the kids call them Aunt and Uncle when introducing them to anyone. Kirk and I look up to them (even though they are slightly younger, okay...and maybe shorter....) in so many ways and feel so blessed to have them in our lives.
Jim and Danielle came over tonight and Jim installed a remote control on the fan in the bedroom for Kirk. Something so simple for Jim but that will make such a difference for Kirk on a daily basis.
I hope you don't get tired of me telling you how utterly amazing our daughters are. I don't know that a day has passed in the last 20 that they have not been right here, wherever here is at the time, to support and care for Kirk and me. Dani and Bryn are the two best things that have ever happened to us.
We have blessings like this every day. Again, a small amount of time out of their lives makes such a difference in ours. I brought Chinese food home for our date night. Here's a picture of my fortune:



May you be just as blessed:)