Every Second Counts

106 days since Our Adventure began.
2,544 Hours.
152,640 Minutes.
9,158,400 Seconds.

Putting it into numbers seems to makes it feel so recent and so far in the past all at the same time.

We went to see Dr. Paul Gardner's PA, Star Clayson, last week after Kirk did a flexion and extension series of x-rays. Star put the x-ray films up on the board, separately and one on top of the other to see if everything lined up. The best words came out of her mouth, "Everything looks very stable. It couldn't be better."

Absolute relief was shining through our smiles like the rays of the sun after a stormy day. We ran several questions past her, the biggest of which was, "When can he get out of his shell?" Star wanted to speak with Dr. Gardner but felt that he would recommend transitioning into a soft corset over the next month or two. She said she would give us a call when she had spoken with him and got his opinion.

As you might expect, Kirk transitioned himself out of the shell that night. No call from Star. No soft corset. No surprise here. He went to work the next day, with shell in hand, "just incase".

Three days later he got the call, "Dr. Gardner would like you to transition into the soft corset over the next few weeks." Star told him. "Well, what if I just transition myself out of the shell without the soft corset?" Kirk casually asked. Star gave him the recommendations from Dr. Gardner and Kirk finally told her he had already "transitioned" himself out of the shell. "How long have you been out of it?" she asked. "Since Tuesday." Star asked how he felt and his response was joyful....."Better than ever!"








And he is.

He has transitioned out of the hospital bed and out of the shell. He continues to physically do more and more each day while taking fewer and fewer medications for pain. After spending the morning raking leaves with his dad, brother Brad and nephew Cole, mowing the lawn and even doing some laundry, Kirk walked into the room, threw his hands up in the air like a veteran referee calling the winning touchdown in the final seconds of the championship game, and exclaimed, "I'm back!"

What a beautiful journey we have been blessed with. Every single, miraculous, second has brought us together in ways we couldn't have managed on our own.

We are stronger.
We are more focused.
We are giddy.

And "we" are searching for a new motorcycle:)





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It Will All Be Worth It

Eleven Weeks.
We are at eleven weeks since the beginning of Our Adventure.
Kirk and I have spent most of the day at home today. For once, I am the one not feeling well. Ironically, he says this is probably his best day so far.
We watched the movie 17 Miracles this afternoon after a sweet friend of mine challenged me to watch it. We have heard what a great movie it was, and we agree. However, my eyes are swollen and red from shedding tears for over an hour. If you haven't seen it, you definitely should make every effort you can to watch it. Make sure you have the kleenex close by.




This is a true story of pioneers from the Martin and Willie Handcart Company that crossed the plains to come to Zion. Two of the pioneers, Sarah Anne Frank and George Paddley, were obviously so in love and had planned to be married when they reached Zion. George asked Sarah several times why they were waiting to be married, she would tell him, "It will all be worth it."
I needed that today. We are constantly grateful for the multitude of miracles we have been given but, as time goes on, the miracles seem to be disguised as other trials, stresses and worries. I am human. I am imperfect. I get frustrated, ticked off, impatient, discouraged, sad, mad, worried, doubtful and weak. Today, I needed that reminder, "It will all be worth it."
And it will.
Watching this movie was a great reminder that prayer works and that every challenge we face is meant for our good and our growth. In short, it will all be worth it.
I am starting to wonder who really needed that lesson on patience;)
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The Forgetting

Day 66.
A very low-key Sabbath day for us.

Kirk and I went for a walk today, around the pond, like we used to do daily. This is the first time I have been up there since Our Adventure began. It was beautiful to see the reflection of Maple Mountain and the changing leaves in the pond.

Everything was so peaceful and calming. Exactly what we needed.

I have been very reflective the last few weeks about Our Adventure and lessons that we have learned throughout the last few months. I am sure the lessons will continue, maybe not as vividly as some have been, but they will be there. I'm not worried about that.

My concern is the forgetting.

I was visiting with a darling friend, Raylene Long, the other day about the forgetting. We have several great connections, our husbands both work for Orem City, are both Police Officers and both love to ride motorcycles. We have both gone through life altering experiences where our husbands were injured and have recovered. Let me tell you a little bit more about Raylene's husband, Jeff Long.







While serving our country in the Middle East, a suicide bomber detonated a van full of explosives in very close proximity to Jeff and his team. They were driving a HumVee, Jeff was on top as "the Gunner". When the van exploded, Jeff was engulfed in flames and fell inside the HumVee. The fire suppression system was able to put the fire out but not before Jeff suffered severe burns to his face and body.

Jeff spent several months in military hospitals recovering from the burns, some of the time without his family by his side. There are still scars, emotional and physical, from his experience, and probably always will be. Jeff is another Hero in my life.

I asked Raylene how they kept the things they learned during that time, including the very miracle of him being alive, at the forefront of their mind. She told me that she had mentioned to Jeff, just a few days prior, that the scar on his face was fading. This was a very visible reminder to them of the miracle they had been given. With it fading, would the memories fade also?

Don't misunderstand me, there are some things I would be fine forgetting. But there are some vitally important lessons here that we obviously would not have been able to learn without Our Adventure. So how do you remember these things when life resumes it's normal pace, other stresses take over and you aren't "focused" on the Adventure?


For us, part of the gratitude includes putting the lessons we have learned into action in our lives. We are more mindful of others who are in difficult situations, who need our prayers and service and we act. We cherish our time together, with our family, friends and each other, in ways we didn't understand before. We take more opportunities to tell those around us how much we appreciate and love them. Kirk made the comment one day, "I have really worried my parents. They tell me they love me every time they talk to me." It wasn't that they didn't say this to him in many ways, it was just a lot more often!

So, here we are. Kirk's back is healing. He is back to work, even though it is light-duty, full duty is just around the corner. The pains have lessened. Sleep is improving. And soon, we hope, he will be able to sleep in our bed instead of the hospital bed. We know that Heavenly Father has given us a multitude of blessings. We just don't want to forget them.

This, I am sure, is another lesson we need to learn.

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8 Weeks Ago Today

Can you believe it has been eight weeks since Our Adventure began?

Sometimes it seems like years ago. Other times it feels like it was just yesterday.

We started today early by walking at the 8th Annual Suicide Prevention Walk in Provo. The theme was HOPE; Hold On. Persuade. Empower. It was good to spend our morning supporting some very special people in our lives and we are so grateful for the memories of those we have lost.

The walk was two miles and the route was one big square of several city blocks. At each corner stood a silent sign holder sharing a powerful message. I especially loved this one:




The majority of us have seen or heard the words of the Serenity Prayer throughout our lives but today they seemed to shout out to me "Hey You! Pay attention!"

In my mind, the Serenity Prayer has been a type of mantra for Alcoholics Anonymous, a poetic reminder that Heavenly Father has a plan, whether we like it or not. We cannot tell Him what to do, we just need to pay attention to the promptings of what He needs us to do.

For some reason, I have struggled with this in the last two months. But I am being reminded daily that I am not in charge. It's a bittersweet kind of thing:)

I am thinking of starting a new support group for people who think they can fix everything by themselves and in the process they create a whole new series of problems. I know I have mentioned Control Freaks Anonymous before but my BFF Cheryl said it's not actually "Anonymous" if you openly admit it.

This seems to present another problem........

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He's Back!!

He did it! He even made it the whole day! Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers throughout Our Adventure. We absolutely could not have gotten to this point without you.

Thank you City of Orem Police, Fire, Paramedics, Dispatchers, Office Staff. You have made the rough road smoother.

Thank you to all of our sweet family, friends and neighbors. It would be impossible to name everyone as we have been so blessed by so many.

Our biggest THANK YOU to our Father in Heaven who truly knows what we need and when we need it.

How blessed are we?

How blessed are we all?

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Needy

Day 59 of Our Adventure. Less than 12 hours away from Kirk's big return to work tomorrow morning.
There are mixed feelings at this juncture. Kind of like having your youngest child graduate from high school and move out to pursue their dreams. The end of one adventure and the beginning of another.
We have carefully chosen our activities in the last few days, trying to anticipate and manage pain levels. Kirk had planned to go have lunch with the Brethren yesterday but decided it would be better to rest. Sometimes you have to rearrange your plans to fit your life.
I don't think I have had one clear, concise thought this whole weekend. I have tried to focus on the task at hand only to have it interrupted by thoughts of Kirk being at work. Examining my anxiety on this subject leaves me unable to name one thing that concerns me, just general uneasiness. I have been trying to put a name on it and I have finally decided I must just be needy.
Kirk and I joke about "neediness" a lot. Either of us can tell the other, at any time, "I think I am feeling needy" and we immediately turn our attention to each other. This phrase has rarely been uttered by Kirk and when it is utilized, it is usually me interrupting a string of motorcycle rides interspersed with mandatory "work" days. After all, someone has to pay for these rides.


One would think that having their spouse home for almost two months, unable to bend over to pick up their socks, load the dishwasher or do the laundry, would be quite enough time spent together. I don't really see it that way. I have actually learned that there is so much more that I need from him that his ability to trim his own toenails.
I have been emotionally exhausted this weekend, mostly filled with my neediness thoughts, I guess. Bottom line.....I need this man. I need him to be happy and fulfilled. I need him to need me at his side. I need his smile, his laughter and his hand to hold. I need him to protect me, strengthen me and tell me when I am getting too needy:)
Turns out that Heavenly Father knows these things too. That is why he has blessed me with this amazing man. It is also, quite possibly, the reason we have been blessed with Our Adventure. We are reminded every day how much we need each other in a world where everyone seems to be searching for solitude. I've got to tell you, life is so much better together than it could ever be alone.
Because I have one of those very odd brains I keep thinking of acronyms for the word NEED. Here are just a few for your giggling pleasure:
Never Ending Emotional Day
Now Entering Emotional Dump
Not Everyone Enjoys Dogs.....(where did this come from?)
New Experiences Emit Delirium
Yep. I am needy. I am okay with this.
Thank you for letting me vent. And Please, pray for my man that everything will go well tomorrow. I am sure it will, but everyone needs that little extra assurance that knowing their friends and family are praying for them brings.
Wait, that means you might be needy too.....just saying;)

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How Do You Want To Go?

Can you believe it has been 50 days?

We can't and we are living Our Adventure. Kirk just said, "Can you believe how long it takes to heal?"

Yes. Yes I can.

We just got back from a lovely walk in the Mapleton darkness. Very few towns are like our sweet Mapleton. Country charm, very few street lights, chickens across the street and even in the cloak of darkness you can recognize your neighbors voice as he jogs past you and says "It's good to see you out." (Right back at you Andrew Woodworth!)

We just earned our second traffic light in town and it was kind of bittersweet. A second traffic light suggests growth and we don't want to lose that small town, rural feel but it sure is great to be able to get across Highway 89 at Maple Street. Yep. Bittersweet.

Today has been a good day for Kirk. His pain seems to have subsided a bit after the last few days. It is amazing how wonderful he can be feeling one day and the next can bring back some of the fiercest pain and knock him right back down for a day or too. We are grateful for ALL days, however we get them.



I thought you would all like to know that Shamika has returned. She has been parked at our home for almost a week now. Kirk seems to have a little twinkle in his eye and skip in his step when she is here. I am not jealous. Really. No...REALLY. If she was a living, breathing woman I would maybe be a little bit jealous.

Who am I kidding?

Kirk loves this bike beyond explanation. I accept this because it makes him happy. When he is happy, I am happy. That's how marriages work, when two people love each other enough to let them live. That brings me to the title of this post....How would you want to go?

Kirk has sarcastically told me through the years that if he dies while riding his motorcycle, "Know that I went with a smile!" While I would sarcastically respond with, "You have increased your life insurance policy, right?", I never really thought we would face this type of situation. After all, don't we all think, "That will never happen to me."?

On tonight's walk I brought up this "If I die..." comment and Kirk, in all seriousness, stood by his statement saying, "Hon, I'm not kidding, I would go doing what I loved!" My response was, "And if you don't die?"

Maybe it is just women who think like this. I am looking at Our Adventure and feeling so blessed that Kirk has healed in ways we didn't even think was possible. The initial outlook was NOT good and here we are 50 days later looking forward to him returning to work soon.

Kirk had some good comments tonight, "Do you stop living life? Do you stop crossing the street for fear that you'll get hit by a car?"

We both firmly believe that when it is your time to go, it is your time to go. Whether you are in a sinking ship or sitting in your recliner watching reruns of Frasier, when Heavenly Father needs you home, you are going.

There has to be a happy medium here. We will find it and figure out what is right for us. In the meantime, Shamika is resting peacefully with a nice cover draped over her and the battery tender keeping the home fires burning;)



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How Firm a Foundation

48 days since Our Adventure began.

We were able to go to sacrament meeting today and it was wonderful to see our ward family, in person, and be uplifted with music and their testimonies.



Because I Have Been Given Much was the first hymn of the meeting. After the earthquakes in Haiti, Kirk was able to serve the amazing people there with the Utah Hospital Task Force for 3 weeks. This hymn was one the group sang on the flight to Haiti. As soon as I realized what hymn we were singing, I looked at Kirk, knowing that it holds so much meaning for him. I opened the hymn book and Kirk, very emotionally, said, "I can't sing it." Only a moment passed before I heard him say, "Yes I can."

"Yes I Can" seems to represent Our Adventure perfectly.

At the end of the meeting was another powerful hymn, How Firm A Foundation. I found myself recognizing the last 48 days in the words of the hymn especially, very literally, the third line of the third verse.

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?

In every condition, in sickness, in health;
In poverty’s vale, or abounding in wealth;
At home and abroad, on the land, on the sea,
As thy days may demand, shall thy strength ever be.

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

How grateful we are for the small and simple things that bless us each day. I hope you take the time to recognize the lessons that are so freely given. Our Adventure has made us much more aware of these things that used to pass us by.

Love to you all!

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Miracles All Around

It's been a few days since the last post and tonight I find I have a few minutes to give a little update.

It is day 45 since the Adventure began.

Actually, since OUR Adventure began.

We have had perma-grins on our faces since last Wednesday when we received the most beautiful news that Kirk would be released for light-duty on September 10th and an anticipated full release on January 14th of next year. It truly is a miracle.

I was visiting with a lovely friend I have met through work today and relating the details of Our Adventure and the miracles we have been blessed with. As we talked about attitudes and trials and lessons learned, a very powerful thought came to my mind: We witness miracles everyday but only seem to openly recognize them when in a crisis situation. Why is that?

I want to change that in my life. I want to be openly grateful for everything. For good times and bad. For busy days and restful evenings. For love, family, friends and even for friendships that have ended. I want to recognize the miracle of forgiveness, of healing and of the atonement. I want to be aware of the miracle of life, including my own. Every breath is a miracle. I need to make the most of even every breath.

Unfortunately, we get so caught up in "life" that we miss the miracles in every moment. How did we get here? And is there a map to get back?

I've decided I will set a specific time aside each day to focus on the every day miracles, vocalize them, write them down. They will eventually become the way I look at life and the things I focus on. It's my little way of taking some of that control back in my life. (A shout out to my fellow control freaks;))

So today, I would like to tell you about a couple of miracles in my day....
1. It is a miracle that I have not killed Kirk through my medication mis-management as he found an error in my preparation of pills for him today. Just last night, while filling all of the meds I thought to myself, "Dang, I'm getting good at this."

2. It is a miracle that Kirk is able to notice my mis-management of pills and correct it and that he can now choose to manage his own medications. :)

3. Our girls, Bryn and Dani, and son-in-law Steven, are miracles. They continue to take care of things for us without even thinking about it. Dani said today, "That's what we do. We haven't done anything out of the ordinary." What she is forgetting is that every minute she or Steven or Bryn spends taking care of things for us is a minute of their time they are not taking care of their own things. We are grateful.

4. Our family and friends are miracles. They have been there for every thing we need and more. We honestly don't know how we will repay them. It will take a few more miracles.....but we believe in miracles.

Love to you all!



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Balance

TGIF and it is day 39.

Unbelievable.

I think all of the excitement of Wednesday's good news has caught up with Kirk today. He is physically and emotionally spent. He met his goal and walked our three mile walk yesterday and is definitely paying for it today. It is a continual cycle in our lives lately......feel pretty good, push harder physically, spend the next 24-36 hours recuperating. No one said it was a good cycle. Just a cycle.

I can see how tempting it is to hurry up the healing. Kirk usually spends his day with power on full blast. It is rare to see him sit still for longer than an hour or so, unless it is football season. Wednesday's news was wonderful and harmful at the same time. Wonderful, because it gave us news that we didn't dare to expect. Harmful because it almost gives a false sense of "I'm good to go".

At the beginning of our Adventure, Dr. Gardner firmly told me that I would have to reign Kirk in. "This is a marathon, not a sprint." Convincing my adventure loving, super-action hero is another story. (I am open to suggestions on how to do this.)

Today was the first day that Kirk did not have someone here with him for the majority of the day. As much as he tries to let me and the girls know he is "fine" with being alone, he did admit it was a very long day. There is just so much TV one can watch before being disgusted with society or purchasing a very expensive item.

Kirk did have a visit from Mom and Dad, Rick and Lori and Springville High School friend, Mike Christensen. These are the the things that balance out the boredom and the pain.


Kirk and I watched one of our favorite shows tonight, American Pickers. Two guys, Frank and Mike, travel the country trying to find antiques and treasures that they can refurbish, resell or retain as their own. It's like a Deseret Industries, Garage Sale, Estate Sale Heaven. Okay...maybe just my kind of heaven.

On tonight's episode they found this old toy called a "balancing man". It was a small man standing on a tall platform holding a long rod with both of his hands. At either end of the rod was a weighted ball. My grandfather, Dan Carly, was a master craftsman and made many wooden toys and novelty items for family and friends. One of the items he made was a balancing man. I was always fascinated with that toy. It was almost impossible to knock him over because the load he carried was perfectly balanced. No matter what you did, he stayed atop that platform, rocking, wobbling, never falling.

There has definitely been a lot of rocking and wobbling in our lives since our Adventure began. We are trying to balance the load and not fall but it is not as easy as that toy made it look. I guess the best part is that we get another chance every morning to rebalance our load. Eventually, we will be immoveable, nothing will tip us over.

One of my friends, Brian Cole, posted a great quote on Facebook and it is precisely what I needed today.
"I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition."
~Martha Washington

Cheerful. I like that. I am going to dig that balancing man out of storage and put it somewhere that it will remind us everyday that we need to find the balance in our Adventure.

Love to you all!
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Paroled

Day 37....we have been given another miracle!! Bert has been paroled! We went to the neuro-surgery follow-up appointment today and got the best news we could have ever hoped for.....Kirk will be able to go back to work, light-duty, on September 10th!

Wait..... it gets better.....

If he continues to progress like he has done so far...we are anticipating him returning to work, without restrictions, six months from the date the Adventure began. January 14th. This happens to also be the date we got engaged and our favorite niece Darci's birthday. Celebrations will be had throughout the land!






This is Kirk with Starlene Clayson, Dr. Paul Gardner's Nurse Practitioner and the bearer of our incredible news. I don't know if she realizes how much her words changed our lives today.




The first thing on Kirk's mind as we left the doctor's office was to get his paperwork to Orem City. It was an official release to go back to work in September. With perm-a-grins on our faces and papers in hand, Kirk headed to his 'other home'. We entered the building and there are two levels of stairs that he will most likely be climbing each day on light-duty. "Here goes. Lets see if I can do it." He reached the top of the stairs, walked through the door and came to a stop. I thought he was going to pass out, maybe it was too much. He was visibly shaken. I looked at him and said, "Are you okay?" "Yes." he said in a whisper, "I can't believe I'm here."

Word got out pretty quickly, it happens that way in a police department. Within minutes the Brethren were coming out of their offices, hugging and hand-shaking. Shock and smiles. He was home.





Kirk made the rounds, peeking in every office, letting them know he was back. Sharing his excitement, gathering strength from the Brethren, and even the Sisters;). They may never know how much this meant to him. How much strength it gave him. How much he loves them.


It didn't take long for Kirk to find a seat, kick back and enjoy the camaraderie. Oh how he has missed them.






His fire Brethren were on shift and he could not leave Orem without stopping in to tell them the great news. Unfortunately, they were out on a call. He left them a message and headed home.









Anticipating what we would hear at this appointment has been at the forefront of our mind for the last few weeks. I have been jokingly saying that Kirk fully expected to be released to go back to work on the 23rd, the day after the appointment. We were talking about it one night and he said, "Hey, I've been given one miracle, I could be given another one."

Today we received miracle number two.

Thank you Heavenly Father.

Thank you everyone for the prayers on our behalf.

We will not waste it.

Love to you all!


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Bert's Birthday

Day 36 of the Adventure and we are thrilled to be celebrating Kirk's birthday. He won't be getting the senior citizen discount anytime soon but he is officially one year older.

I thought I would just post some pics from our last 36 days to remind you why we are so thrilled. He has come so far!






























































Kirk got to hang out with his dad and Bryn while I was at work.
Then Dani and Steven came over and joined us for take-out dinner from La Casita, one of Kirk's favorite places.


Brad and Darlene,, Mom and Dad, Peg, Rick, Lori and Cole and Matt dropped in with well wishes and goodies.








Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers! We wouldn't be here without them;)
Love you all!





























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Are You Prepared?

35 days since the beginning of our Adventure. Each day, each hour, each minute, is one more gift we have been given. Some of those gifts are wrapped up beautifully with nice big bows. Some have been disguised as difficulties and pain. Nevertheless, they are all gifts.

After our fun-filled, fast-paced day yesterday we were both physically and mentally exhausted today. So glad it was Sunday, a much slower-paced day.





Jim and Danielle stopped by yesterday after running the Hobble Creek Half Marathon. I love this picture of them, full of energy, vitality, happiness. The perfect description of them. Kirk asked Jim what it was like to run the half marathon and his response was powerful, "It's like everything in life. If you are prepared, it's great. If not, it sucks." Jim and Danielle have been preparing for this run for several months and it seems to have paid off.

This is the second time in as many days that being prepared has been discussed. I had a late lunch with Cheryl on Friday and we talked about her efforts of updating her Emergency 72 hour kit. She is doing everything she can to be prepared in the event of an emergency. That's Cheryl on the left, me on the right. We have had many discussions about being prepared over the last almost 20 years of friendship.



Kirk and I have always been into "preparedness" whether it is food storage, camping equipment, road trips. It is one of those things that I could talk about, think about and plan out for hours. Typing this post has made me dissect my passion of being prepared. Bottom line....it is a control issue. I am starting to feel like this is Control Freaks Anonymous....and, in case you were wondering...I am the president.

One thing we were never prepared for is our Adventure. We were not prepared for the outpouring of love, support, prayers and service of our family, friends and neighbors. We could have never imagined being prepared for the mental and physical toll this could take on each of us. How do you prepare for these things?

We are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and in a book of scripture known as The Doctrine and Covenants is a verse that says, "If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear." (D&C 38:30). I have hung on to this verse as a guiding light in my life. When something worried me, I would figure out what I needed to do to be prepared and do it. This works for many of life's trials and experiences. Just like Jim said, "If you are prepared, it's great. If not, it sucks."

We may not have prepared specifically for the Adventure but we see that the steps we have made, for what we thought were other reasons, have blessed us. We have been blessed by the preparations and actions of so many others that, when added to our efforts, the picture becomes much clearer, much more doable, much more beautiful.

As we thank our Father in Heaven each day in the last 35 for the blessings we have been given, we always start by thanking Him for our Adventure. We have learned so much about ourselves, each other, our family, friends and neighbors that we would not have had the opportunity to learn in any other way.

We have learned that we did something right in our parenting efforts by seeing the way our kids have supported us through their service and love. That alone makes the Adventure worth it! Who would have thought that teaching your kids to serve others would have been part of the preparation for an Adventure such as ours?

We have learned that we still have a lot to learn and a lot to prepare for. I guess if you are not preparing for something, you might not actually be living. And, everything you do is a preparation for something in your life. Be prepared and it will be great!!!

Love you all!



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Bullet Proof

Whew..... I cannot believe that it is only 8:30 PM. It has been a long, fun-filled 34th day of our Adventure.
As I got everything ready for bed last night, Kirk told me he wanted me to sleep in today. "Don't come in to give me my pills, just sleep in, I'll be fine." As the 6:00 AM alarm went off on our phones to remind us about taking medication, I stayed in my bed and listened intently to hear the unmistakable sound of the lid being removed from the pill container. He had taken his meds and I drifted back to sleep. I woke up about 7:30 and cuddled with the dogs, making myself stay in the bed and not wake him up. The 8:00 AM alarm went off and again, I heard him take his meds. Our walkie-talkies didn't work last night so I texted him a message at 8:01 AM saying, "I'm going to stay in bed just a bit longer." He didn't respond and everything was so quiet coming from his room that I thought he must have gone back to sleep. About 8:15 I peeked into his room to check on him. As soon as he saw me he said, "I can't believe you would abandon me in my hour of need!" Now....if you don't know Kirk/Bert very well....this is said with the perfect amount of humor, timing and a sly little grin. He hadn't seen my text and was waiting to toss out his one-liner the minute he saw me. It was a beautiful, fun way to start our Saturday together.

Dr. Gardner had told us, when Kirk was released from the hospital, that he didn't want Kirk riding around in the car because being in a car wreck could really toss a wrench into the healing process. It is my belief that Dr. Gardner had no idea how good my driving record has been and was merely concerned about the skill of the OTHER drivers on the road. I have bent this rule a tiny, tiny bit. I have taken Kirk every Saturday morning to the local Gas-N-Go that our dear friend and neighbor, Chris Frampton, owns. Kirk gets a drink, visits with Chris for a minute and gets time out of "jail".
This morning, in a moment of sheer kindness I asked Kirk, "Would you like to drive?" I was unprepared for his quick response, "Yes!" That was it. I was locked in. I couldn't say, "Just kidding!" without some serious back-peddling. So, I went along for the ride....so to speak.




Today marks 5 weeks since the Adventure began and 5 weeks since Kirk has operated a motor vehicle. He did wonderfully! Of course, this went straight to his head and he got all cocky with me for the rest of the day. Kind of brave for a guy who is worried about me being there in his "time of need";)

Even with the weight loss and the back brace on, Kirk can still look pretty intimidating when he walks into a room. As we walked into Gas-N-Go a gentleman was walking out, took a long look at Kirk and asked, "Is that thing bullet proof?" I am sure it was hard for Kirk to answer without laughing, "It's a back brace. I broke my back." I think the Junior Police Officer sticker badge can fool a lot of people. I know it worked for me in several instances during my youth.

Our day continued with visits from friends, family and neighbors. It is mind boggling to see how many people Kirk has had an effect on through his life, that continue to love, serve and pray for his complete recovery. We have been so blessed and so humbled by the wonderful examples we have in our life.

Kirk had his second PUSH Therapy appointment with Jennifer Tippetts. Two days after his first appointment with her he was so sick and so sore that he said he wasn't sure he wanted to do that again. He is glad that he did, it was much less painful this time as his muscles are healing and getting stronger.








We ended the day at Rick and Lori's for our first "outing" including a great dinner of BBQ burgers and dogs and some seriously delicious sweet potato fries. I even let Kirk drive again! Okay, I didn't actually "let" him, he has taken the rover keys, hung them in his room where he can "keep his eye on them" and revoked my driving privileges in "his" car.

With his new-found cockiness he is going to wish that shell was bullet proof!

Truth be told, this is the guy I love! I have missed his teasing and fun sense of humor. I know he is getting better just by listening to him tease all of us. Welcome back sweetheart.

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Gifts

Kirk said that last night was the best night he has had since our Adventure began 34 days ago. He only woke up a couple of times, one time was my fault, he had heard the bathroom door close and said, "Hey, what are you doing?" I went into his room and we had a nice little visit. It is interesting how deep our conversations can get in such a short time. This was something we needed, to become even closer, and it is a gift we have been given with our Adventure.


One of our blog friends recommended some movies for our family to watch together, one of them was called The Ultimate Gift. Dad had brought up a bag of what he called "babysitting tools" (movies) to occupy his time with Kirk. One of the movies happened to be The Ultimate Gift and Kirk and I watched it together one quiet evening. We both loved it....the message of the movie is one that we could all learn from, the true gifts in life that we often take for granted.

Being inspired by the movie, we would like to share some of the gifts we have received from our Adventure with you. They are in no particular order, each bearing the same value in our eyes.

We believe that having each other is a gift. Being married to a Police Officer that is an adrenaline junkie, motorcycle riding, gun shooting, fast paced guy can naturally make a spouse, like me, keep a nightmarish ending in the back of her mind. Kirk used to tell me, "If I die in a motorcycle crash, know that I went smiling." While this is a very serious statement for Kirk, it's not really a lot to hang on to for me, especially with the all too recent Adventure still fresh on my mind.

Our Family and Friends have been an immeasurable gift. The love, support, service and prayers on our behalf is more than we could have ever asked for or imagined. Asking for help is one of the most difficult things in life, but being served in such a loving way has humbled us. We more fully understand Charity as the pure love of Jesus Christ because of what we have experienced through the Adventure.

Kirk has been in a hospital bed in the spare bedroom for the last three weeks. As visitors have come and gone, all passing by the foot of his bed, many have given his feet a little squeeze as they leave the room. Being able to feel someone squeeze his feet has been such a gift for Kirk. I am not sure how he would have felt about that prior to the Adventure but, he counts it as a gift now.

Being able to share our feelings, experiences and thoughts through the blog has been a gift. It is therapeutic and even calming for me. It is like writing in a journal, documenting events that dominate our life...change our life....and hoping that writing it down will help us remember how it felt in the moment. That is definitely part of learning...remembering.

Remote controls are a gift. In the first week home our cousin/brother, Jim Carly, came over and installed a remote control on the ceiling fan for Kirk. He uses this remote more than the TV remote, needing to change the temperature many times each day or even turn the light on and off. We wouldn't have even thought of needing this before our journey began.

Living in a time where modern medicine is so advanced is a gift. Kirk and I have talked a few times about what would happen to a person who lived a hundred years ago and broke his back. Imagine a farmer, whose whole existence is spent in the field to support his wife and family. He breaks his back and as family members try to get him back to the house he becomes paralyzed, unable to move at all. He is in excruciating pain without any type of medication or therapy that will relieve his distress. How blessed are we to have skilled, knowledgable doctors, surgeons and medical staff that can determine what is wrong and make every effort to correct the problem as well as keep the patient in as little pain as possible through medication. What a gift we have be given.

These are just a few of our gifts. We hope that it inspires you to think about your life, examine the very minuet details of your abilities, resources and your loved ones. Have you overlooked the importance of the little things, and even the big things? What are we doing with our gifts? Don't wait for your own Adventure before you realize how blessed you are.

That too, is a gift.



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Just Ask

Today is the 33rd day of our Adventure, our journey of learning and growing.

Kirk continues to push the limits, reaching as far as he can to return to life as we knew it as quick as he can. He is going stir-crazy not being able to get going and having to spend so much time in bed. Dad talked to him the other day about finding some new hobbies, ones that did not risk life and limb. "Maybe gardening or yard work." Dad offered. Kirk chuckled and said, "Dad, I hate yard work. And besides, this is the best my yard has looked because everyone else is taking care of it!" By this time they were both laughing. Two of my favorite men:)



Today marks one year since my uncle, Roger Carly, passed away. While I miss him and think of him daily, I am also grateful to feel his presence in our life. So much has changed in the last 365 days and I am keenly aware that none of it is in my hands. It never was. This is not just an admission, a baring of my control freak soul, it is an embrace of a new normal.

Our new normal is like looking through the glass of a shattered windshield. You can see the light, just not as clearly as you would like. Some things are distorted, maybe because we are not prepared to see them clearly yet. It's a process.

Part of the process finds me praying....a lot. I like to think that I used to pray regularly. I had a prayer in my heart, and thanked Heavenly Father for the things I felt that we were blessed with. Prayers, especially those filled with thanksgiving, seem so much more powerful now. I know Heavenly Father hasn't changed anything, which leaves only one conclusion....we have changed.

Prayer has changed our life as much as the Adventure has. In fact, the two seem inseparable. The Adventure began and we prayed. As soon as I hung up the phone with Steven telling me "Kirk's been in a motorcycle crash and they life flighted him to Utah Valley.....but he is okay.", I fell to my knees and prayed that he really was okay. As soon as family could be gathered at the hospital many more prayers were uttered and as he was readied for an MRI his dad and brother Rick gave him a priesthood blessing. As I watched family, doctors, co-workers and friends talk to him in those first few hours, I prayed that everything would go well. Within the first 24 hours the heavens were flooded with prayers on Kirk's behalf. We prayed for him. We prayed for the surgeons and staff. We prayed that he would not be paralyzed, that he would not have deficits, that we would all be able to understand and embrace our future. We prayed for the biggest things and the smallest things.

Our prayers have only increased. They have actually become continual. Why? Because we could not do this without Divine Guidance. Not praying for help but expecting that everything will go well is like trying to drive cross country without a map. Sure, there might be some road signs you can follow but without the guidance from a perfect source chances are you are going to get lost.
In our prayer together last night I asked Heavenly Father for a specific blessing. Today, it is like the floodgates opened....maybe just part way but open nonetheless. My first thought was to thank Heavenly Father. As I pulled over in my car and offered a prayer of thanksgiving I thought about how miraculous prayer is. In an instant I heard, "All you had to do was ask." That simple. All I had to do was ask.
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Shadows

Day 30. Wow! Can you believe it? I sometimes still have to pinch myself to make sure it's real.

Kirk got a "Get Out of Jail Free" card today (he calls being stuck in bed Jail) and was able to take a drive to Northwest Orthotics to have his turtle shell resized. He has lost so much weight that it is not supporting him like it should. I called this morning thinking they would just come to the house in the next few days but they wanted him to come in today!








We have been working with Russ since the night of the accident and he has been wonderful to continue altering the shell so that it fits Kirk perfectly. Thank you, Thank you Russ!












The entire outing took almost an hour and a half and Kirk seemed pretty happy about getting back to his "cell". I even left him alone for a couple of hours (gasp!!) and he lived through it! Good thing that Bryn stopped in to check on him and I am sure she rescued him from certain death.


While Kirk and I were driving back from Provo we were next to a pest control truck that had a picture of a large spider with an even larger shadow. The thought crossed my mind and quickly came out my mouth, "I think the reason people are afraid of spiders is because their shadows are  so big." Kirk chuckled and politely agreed.




As I have continued bustling about today I kept thinking about that spider shadow. Shadows are scary! Think of the most terrifying movie you have seen. Right before the scariest part you hear the heart pumping music, there is major darkness and then......a shadow. I read once that FEAR is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. That is a shadow!
Our Adventure has had some shadows. Little shadows. Big shadows. The biggest one is the shadow of the future. We have made so many plans, just like you have, but we really don't know what our future will bring until a little more light appears on the scene. We know this will just take time. That doesn't make it any less scary, but we can handle it. Something about an Adventure.......it is full of excitement!!
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Grow

Day 29. The Sabbath. A day to grow.
Kirk and I both slept in a bit today. Sleeping in anymore means anything past 7:30 AM.
He is a pretty sore camper today due to some amazing PUSH Therapy our dear friend and neighbor, Jennifer Tippets, administered yesterday. It is more intensive than your average massage and she works deep into the muscles to increase blood flow and healing. She only worked his legs but it actually relieved his back pain too! There is so much pain involved during the actual massage but when she would finish with one area he would tell us how relaxed that area was. Jennifer told Kirk he was going to feel like he had worked out really hard at the gym. She also told him he would probably feel sick as the toxins in his muscles leave his body. He was sick, most of the night and feels like he ran a marathon.
Rick, Lori and Cole came by this afternoon bearing gifts for us even though it is Cole's 18th birthday. Lori had made rolls for their dinner and brought a pan of them over so they could rise and we could bake them for our dinner and enjoy not only the taste but the aroma. I have mentioned how much we love them, right?
My dear friend of 34 years, Beth Bishop, sent me the following quote today:
"When trials are not consequences of our disobedience, they are evidence the Lord feels we are prepared to grow more." ~Richard G. Scott
This is just what we needed to be reminded of today. Maybe you needed to be reminded too.


Not long before the Adventure began, Kirk and I had been discussing a situation with my job that was stressing me out. He said something that has really stuck with me; "You never grow when you are coasting. Growth only happens when you are peddling hard."
We are peddling. We are focused. We are growing.


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Big Jake

The last four weeks have been a blur. Today, day 28, has been probably the most beautiful and bittersweet that we have experienced through our Adventure.

Jake and Kim Ervin came over today for a visit and to have lunch with us. Jake is a Public Safety Officer for Orem City and has been Kirk's co-worker, riding buddy and co-mechanic on many-a-project. They have spent almost as much time together in the last few years than Kirk and I have. Because of this, Jake is known in our family as "Dad's boyfriend", in the most professional way, of course;).



Like so many of our wonderful friends, Jake has been here to help with anything we have needed. A blessing of the Brotherhood and of a "brother".

Today Jake took Shamika, Kirk's beloved BMW motorcycle, home with him to prepare her for a new home, new rides, a new owner. This is one of those days that we knew was coming but has arrived too soon and it has been met not only with heartache but with gratitude as well. There is a very short list of people Kirk would trust Shamika with. Jake is at the top.

Shamika has taken Kirk to Heaven and back over the last 4 years with trips to Canada, Colorado, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Idaho, Wyoming, California and all over Utah. We have many pictures of Shamika with an amazing site in the background. Kind of like having someone take your picture on a vacation, only Shamika was the "person" in the picture. I guess this is something motorcycle enthusiast do.












Shamika has become a member of our family. At one time she even took over the garage. Kirk told me her paint was water-based and being in the weather would not be good for her. I accepted it, for a while. She has every accessory known to mankind installed on her and has enough storage to keep her rider well equipped for a 2 week excursion. She has a piece of Kirk's heart, so she has a piece of mine too.

John Wayne plays Jacob McCandles in the old western Big Jake. Near the end he is just about to render a man lifeless when the man asks who he is. John Wayne replies, "I am Jacob McCandles." The shocked man says, "I thought you was dead!" Big Jake responds with two words; "Not Hardly."


Kirk and I have been watching this show tonight as I have been preparing our post and I find it perfectly fitting that the hero in the show shares the same name as our dear friend. Big Jake.

I also find Big Jake's words appropriate for our Adventure. Will the fun and excitement end because Shamika isn't with us? Will Kirk not have hobbies that bring him as much joy as riding has? In Big Jake's powerful voice I hear...."Not Hardly."



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My Gladiator

Day 27. It's been a good day. Wait...every day is a good day. Yes, some are better than others, but they are all good. He gets a little bit better every day. His pain still fluctuates and he is going a little stir-crazy but that is all to be expected.

I got home from work this afternoon and Kirk and Bryn were watching a movie called Gladiator.


Not sure if any of you have seen it, it's pretty violent, not my type of movie at all. However, watching Maximus, the main guy (wish I could tell you the actor's name, but, I'm not really a movie person), as he battled in the Coliseum wearing his armor, I saw Kirk. Powerful, strong, determined, focused, handsome. If Maximus had a choice, I think he would have chosen digital camo for his armor too;).



Kirk and I have been married for more than 25 years, blissful years. Kirk says it's 23 plus two years. I will agree that every single moment hasn't been perfect. There have been some disagreements here and there but I do not think they add up to two years. Besides, he went to school in Springville and I am not entirely sure that his mathematic skills are what they should be (sorry Red Devil friends).

Some of our highlights: Dani, Bryn, Steven, Maizy, Sadie, Mr. Bunny, Nikita, Oliver, Laska, Ebeneezer, Jasper, Spike 1 and Spike 2, Hitler the cat, Jazz, Crazy, Buddy, Gidget, Macaroni, several fish, Tweety, Makai, The Non'ts, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Friends, Family, 9 different moves, mostly on a national holiday, Bertelsen parties, camping, 4 wheeling, at least 27 different vehicles, countless motorcycles, sleep overs in our room, firetrucks, police cars, boating, Christmas Eve jammies, jumping on the trampoline, stick ponies, birthday surprises, laughing, crying, laughing some more.

I have a perma-grin right now just thinking about the girls at different times in their lives. They both have such a strong bond with Kirk, and with me, but they are definitely their "daddy's girls". They have pony-tailed his hair (when he had some), painted his nails and played lego for hours on the floor. He has taught them to ride a bike, drive a four-wheeler, drive a car, even fix a rear differential on a 66 Chevy truck. They have gone boating, camping, riding and shooting with their dad. He has given one "away" only to gain a son and friend. He has guided, grounded and given so much to these two. And they continue to give back. Don't you love it when kids learn good things from you? He is their hero, and mine. He is our Gladiator

Looking back on this list of beautiful moments in the last quarter of a century has altered my description of our life together. Yes, they have been blissful, but maybe Kirk is a little closer on the accuracy of it all. It is 23 years plus 2 years of a little bit better every day.






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