Every Second Counts

106 days since Our Adventure began.
2,544 Hours.
152,640 Minutes.
9,158,400 Seconds.

Putting it into numbers seems to makes it feel so recent and so far in the past all at the same time.

We went to see Dr. Paul Gardner's PA, Star Clayson, last week after Kirk did a flexion and extension series of x-rays. Star put the x-ray films up on the board, separately and one on top of the other to see if everything lined up. The best words came out of her mouth, "Everything looks very stable. It couldn't be better."

Absolute relief was shining through our smiles like the rays of the sun after a stormy day. We ran several questions past her, the biggest of which was, "When can he get out of his shell?" Star wanted to speak with Dr. Gardner but felt that he would recommend transitioning into a soft corset over the next month or two. She said she would give us a call when she had spoken with him and got his opinion.

As you might expect, Kirk transitioned himself out of the shell that night. No call from Star. No soft corset. No surprise here. He went to work the next day, with shell in hand, "just incase".

Three days later he got the call, "Dr. Gardner would like you to transition into the soft corset over the next few weeks." Star told him. "Well, what if I just transition myself out of the shell without the soft corset?" Kirk casually asked. Star gave him the recommendations from Dr. Gardner and Kirk finally told her he had already "transitioned" himself out of the shell. "How long have you been out of it?" she asked. "Since Tuesday." Star asked how he felt and his response was joyful....."Better than ever!"








And he is.

He has transitioned out of the hospital bed and out of the shell. He continues to physically do more and more each day while taking fewer and fewer medications for pain. After spending the morning raking leaves with his dad, brother Brad and nephew Cole, mowing the lawn and even doing some laundry, Kirk walked into the room, threw his hands up in the air like a veteran referee calling the winning touchdown in the final seconds of the championship game, and exclaimed, "I'm back!"

What a beautiful journey we have been blessed with. Every single, miraculous, second has brought us together in ways we couldn't have managed on our own.

We are stronger.
We are more focused.
We are giddy.

And "we" are searching for a new motorcycle:)





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How Do You Want To Go?

Can you believe it has been 50 days?

We can't and we are living Our Adventure. Kirk just said, "Can you believe how long it takes to heal?"

Yes. Yes I can.

We just got back from a lovely walk in the Mapleton darkness. Very few towns are like our sweet Mapleton. Country charm, very few street lights, chickens across the street and even in the cloak of darkness you can recognize your neighbors voice as he jogs past you and says "It's good to see you out." (Right back at you Andrew Woodworth!)

We just earned our second traffic light in town and it was kind of bittersweet. A second traffic light suggests growth and we don't want to lose that small town, rural feel but it sure is great to be able to get across Highway 89 at Maple Street. Yep. Bittersweet.

Today has been a good day for Kirk. His pain seems to have subsided a bit after the last few days. It is amazing how wonderful he can be feeling one day and the next can bring back some of the fiercest pain and knock him right back down for a day or too. We are grateful for ALL days, however we get them.



I thought you would all like to know that Shamika has returned. She has been parked at our home for almost a week now. Kirk seems to have a little twinkle in his eye and skip in his step when she is here. I am not jealous. Really. No...REALLY. If she was a living, breathing woman I would maybe be a little bit jealous.

Who am I kidding?

Kirk loves this bike beyond explanation. I accept this because it makes him happy. When he is happy, I am happy. That's how marriages work, when two people love each other enough to let them live. That brings me to the title of this post....How would you want to go?

Kirk has sarcastically told me through the years that if he dies while riding his motorcycle, "Know that I went with a smile!" While I would sarcastically respond with, "You have increased your life insurance policy, right?", I never really thought we would face this type of situation. After all, don't we all think, "That will never happen to me."?

On tonight's walk I brought up this "If I die..." comment and Kirk, in all seriousness, stood by his statement saying, "Hon, I'm not kidding, I would go doing what I loved!" My response was, "And if you don't die?"

Maybe it is just women who think like this. I am looking at Our Adventure and feeling so blessed that Kirk has healed in ways we didn't even think was possible. The initial outlook was NOT good and here we are 50 days later looking forward to him returning to work soon.

Kirk had some good comments tonight, "Do you stop living life? Do you stop crossing the street for fear that you'll get hit by a car?"

We both firmly believe that when it is your time to go, it is your time to go. Whether you are in a sinking ship or sitting in your recliner watching reruns of Frasier, when Heavenly Father needs you home, you are going.

There has to be a happy medium here. We will find it and figure out what is right for us. In the meantime, Shamika is resting peacefully with a nice cover draped over her and the battery tender keeping the home fires burning;)



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Big Jake

The last four weeks have been a blur. Today, day 28, has been probably the most beautiful and bittersweet that we have experienced through our Adventure.

Jake and Kim Ervin came over today for a visit and to have lunch with us. Jake is a Public Safety Officer for Orem City and has been Kirk's co-worker, riding buddy and co-mechanic on many-a-project. They have spent almost as much time together in the last few years than Kirk and I have. Because of this, Jake is known in our family as "Dad's boyfriend", in the most professional way, of course;).



Like so many of our wonderful friends, Jake has been here to help with anything we have needed. A blessing of the Brotherhood and of a "brother".

Today Jake took Shamika, Kirk's beloved BMW motorcycle, home with him to prepare her for a new home, new rides, a new owner. This is one of those days that we knew was coming but has arrived too soon and it has been met not only with heartache but with gratitude as well. There is a very short list of people Kirk would trust Shamika with. Jake is at the top.

Shamika has taken Kirk to Heaven and back over the last 4 years with trips to Canada, Colorado, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Idaho, Wyoming, California and all over Utah. We have many pictures of Shamika with an amazing site in the background. Kind of like having someone take your picture on a vacation, only Shamika was the "person" in the picture. I guess this is something motorcycle enthusiast do.












Shamika has become a member of our family. At one time she even took over the garage. Kirk told me her paint was water-based and being in the weather would not be good for her. I accepted it, for a while. She has every accessory known to mankind installed on her and has enough storage to keep her rider well equipped for a 2 week excursion. She has a piece of Kirk's heart, so she has a piece of mine too.

John Wayne plays Jacob McCandles in the old western Big Jake. Near the end he is just about to render a man lifeless when the man asks who he is. John Wayne replies, "I am Jacob McCandles." The shocked man says, "I thought you was dead!" Big Jake responds with two words; "Not Hardly."


Kirk and I have been watching this show tonight as I have been preparing our post and I find it perfectly fitting that the hero in the show shares the same name as our dear friend. Big Jake.

I also find Big Jake's words appropriate for our Adventure. Will the fun and excitement end because Shamika isn't with us? Will Kirk not have hobbies that bring him as much joy as riding has? In Big Jake's powerful voice I hear...."Not Hardly."



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Choices

We have been blessed with two thoughtful, compassionate, giving daughters and, as a bonus, we have also acquired one amazing son-in-law. As many in the family have said, Dani sure set the bar high when she agreed to marry Steven. Some day, we fully expect to have another son-in-law that will challenge Steven's "favorite Son-In-Law" status;).







Throughout Dani and Bryn's lives we have tried to instill the very simple fact that "Attitude is Everything". It is really that easy.

25 days since the adventure began and almost every visitor to our home, on the phone, in comments on the blog and facebook, talks about how positive we have been through this whole journey. What we hope everyone realizes is that it is a choice, a very conscious effort, to make the best of everything.

It can be so easy to be consumed by the negativity in everyday life. How many times have you checked facebook to see what was going on with your friends to find a bunch of comments relaying to the world how bad their day was, how unhappy they are or how much they hate their job? It is not only consuming, it is contagious!!

In EVERY situation in life, you have two choices: You can make the best of it or you can make the worst of it. It's your choice.

This philosophy is the core of our beliefs and guides the actions in our lives. It also gives great comfort to control freaks, such as myself. No matter what the situation, no matter what someone else says or does to hurt you, you can CHOOSE to make the best of it by controlling YOUR thoughts, words and actions and only sharing the positive ones.

Just so you know, our adventure is no cake walk. It is probably more emotionally draining than anything else. Kirk made the comment to one of our neighbors today that he used to think it would be great if all he had to do was lay in bed and watch TV. After 25 days in bed and only 20 minutes of standing/sitting/walking at a time, he has changed his mind. He has been in pain, achy, frustrated, tired and even helpless at times. Would you know it if you stopped by or called? Probably not. Why? He has chosen to make the best of it and that is what he will share.

We both want to thank you for the continued prayers for Kirk, his healing and our family. Thank you for the service you continue to give and the thoughtful words you share. This all helps us to persevere, to make the best of the adventure and to learn the most that we can so that some day we can help lighten someone else's load.
Love to you all!!


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Moments

Life is so amazing when you stand back, take a breath and focus on the precise moment you are in. How many times today have you focused on any one moment? Have there been moments today that should have been savored but in the bustle of life they passed by with hardly a thought? Let me share a couple of ours.......


Day 20. Date night. We decided to stay in tonight:) Glad we did or we would have missed some great company.

The first picture is of one of the many girls we claim as our own, Dani Brady, and her boys Jack and Nick. Dani has been in our life for about 15 years and has been one of our Dani's best friends. The dogs were so glad to have them here and the boys were totally mesmerized by Kirk and his "crash video".


This last picture is an older one of Jim and Danielle Carly and their adorable kids (L-R) Eli, Kate, Porter and Whitney. Jim is actually our cousin but we refer to him as a brother and the kids call them Aunt and Uncle when introducing them to anyone. Kirk and I look up to them (even though they are slightly younger, okay...and maybe shorter....) in so many ways and feel so blessed to have them in our lives.
Jim and Danielle came over tonight and Jim installed a remote control on the fan in the bedroom for Kirk. Something so simple for Jim but that will make such a difference for Kirk on a daily basis.
I hope you don't get tired of me telling you how utterly amazing our daughters are. I don't know that a day has passed in the last 20 that they have not been right here, wherever here is at the time, to support and care for Kirk and me. Dani and Bryn are the two best things that have ever happened to us.
We have blessings like this every day. Again, a small amount of time out of their lives makes such a difference in ours. I brought Chinese food home for our date night. Here's a picture of my fortune:



May you be just as blessed:)

Going For Gold

Kirk and I are sitting here with Bryn and Steven,watching the Women's Gymnastics competition. I must tell you that Steven was the most excited of all of us to watch this...he is fabulous at all sports (except women's gymnastics;) and loves to watch sporting events.

The competitors are absolutely amazing! They are so strong, disciplined, focused and talented.
Bryn

We just watched a girl from Russia on the uneven bars and as she circled around the top bar, using only her hands, Bryn announced that she was able to do this when she was in gymnastics (ages 6-8). Steven, with some doubt in his voice, questioned the validity of Bryn's statement to which she fervently responded, "I got a participation ribbon!" She then giggled and said that the ribbon meant that she wasn't really very good at it. She isn't exactly correct. She was good, naturally good, but her heart was not in it. And that's okay....when you are as talented as she is, at so many things, you have to pick and choose which hobbies will be a priority in your life.

It is the same scenario for adults. We find things we are interested in, spend our time, effort and resources and make it a priority in our life. Sometimes we get a participation ribbon. Sometimes we get the gold.



Riding motorcycles is where Kirk's heart is at. It is the culmination of adrenaline, skill and adventure. It is challenging both physically and mentally. It is has been a hobby of his for more than 30 years. It has changed his life, in more ways than one.


It is no surprise that the continuation of riding motorcycles has been a topic of conversation in our family. In the first few days after the adventure began Kirk told Steven and his nephews, "Don't sell your bikes. We're going to be back on those in no time." On day six he was rethinking things. Six days laying in bed with crazy amounts of pain can do that to a person who is so used to go-go-going.

Day 17 and the topic has been brought up again. Should he sell the bike, or both bikes? What would the consequences be if there was another crash? Riding has brought so much joy to his life and the answers will surely take some time. Kirk says, "The decision has already been made in my mind, it is just getting my heart to go along with it."

We had our first "outing" today in Kirk's beloved Rover. He was delighted to get out, even if it was to a doctor's appointment. About ten minutes into the ride he looked at me and said, "Riding in a car is not as much fun as I thought it would be." I can't imagine that reclining in the passenger seat with a back brace on and traveling on a not-so-smooth road would be enticing for many.

Dr. Karl Francis was our "approach surgeon" meaning he opened Kirk up and got everything out of the way for Dr. Paul Gardner to be able to work on Kirk's spine. Our appointment today was just to check his surgery site and make sure there was no problem or infection. We were able to get in quickly and Dr. Francis was there before Kirk could even lay down. Everything looked great!

Our "fun" outing exhausted Kirk but he was so happy to have his friend Ralph bring him some lunch and hang out for the afternoon. What would we do without our family and friends?
They have truly carried us through each day with their love and support.

We retire tonight, full of gratitude and appreciation. Lots to think about and lots more to be thankful for. One thing I know for sure is that we won't settle for a participation ribbon when it comes to our future. We will definitely be going for the gold.







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BEST Day EVER!

In celebration of the two week mark...day 14...Kirk walked 14 blocks!!

When I asked Kirk what he wanted to say on the blog today he said, "This has been the best day EVER!" You can see those words in his face, actions and of course, his attitude.


Our Physical Therapist came again today and told Kirk he can see continued improvement in him each time. That alone has got to make a guy feel great!!


Dad and Dave (nephew) installed a shower bar yesterday and I cannot tell you how much of a difference that made for BOTH of us! I must admit that our first home shower experience is now referred to as "The Shower Incident".

I thought I was completely prepared to assist Kirk in the shower. I had a shower chair in the tub, his shower gel, scrubby (like a loofa only much more manly), a towel to dry off with and clothes to get into afterwards.

The first sign of a problem came as he sat down on the shower chair. I had not considered that it was on the lowest setting possible and was so low that Kirk immediately said, "Oh crap...this is low!" I tried to reassure him that everything was okay and, since we only have a 20 minute time frame for him to be sitting and/or standing, we should get him washed up and I would be able to assist him out of the shower.

By the time we finished with the shower Kirk was uncontrollably shivering(He generally keeps it so cold in our house that you could hang a side of beef!) I grabbed another towel and tried to get him covered and dry. He tried to stand up but did not have the strength. He said, "This is not good." As a police Officer/Firefighter/Paramedic, Kirk has had the opportunity of rescuing many citizens who, for one reason or another, are stuck somewhere in the bathroom, usually without clothing. I can't imagine that his mind did not consider himself on the other side of the rescue.

I immediately thought of the Caregiver Support Groups and classes that I have instructed and went into action. I placed one foot in the tub, between his legs, one outside of the tub, squatted lower and had him use me as his support to stand. He calls it a "Fireman Lift" I call it miraculous! We got him out, dressed and back into bed. It was so hard to get his body to calm back down and to get his pain under control but he kept saying, "I'm so glad I can feel my legs. I'm so glad I can feel my legs," I love how he can put life into perspective so quickly.

He slept so good. I would like to say my preparations helped but I'm afraid it was my lack of preparations:/ Either way....we worked through it together and all is well. That's the way you get through anything...together. I am so glad we are on this adventure together.....it would be so lonely without him.

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Why?

   In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages were based on her studies of the feelings of terminally ill patients, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one, a break-up or job loss, even  an accident.  The stages are as follows:

1. Denial...."This can't be happening to me."

2. Anger...."Why is this happening to me? Who is to blame?"

3. Bargaining.... "Make this not happen and in return I will _______."

4. Depression...."I am so sad I cannot do anything."

5. Acceptance....."I am at peace with what has happened."

   Not everyone goes through every stage and they don't necessarily come in this order.

   When Kirk had his accident, and I really want to call it something else, something that was meant to be, not something that randomly happened without a purpose, he arrived in ICU sandwiched between two other motorcycle accidents. One in the room to the left. The other in the room to the right.  One of the other victims was also a firefighter.  All three were in critical condition.  One was transferred to a specialty hospital and is slowly showing signs of recovery.  One passed away.  Kirk continues to stun the doctors, therapists and nursing staff as he goes above and beyond all expectations of healing.

 Why?

  

  That is my question of the day.  Why did this happen? Why is Kirk healing so quickly? Why didn't the others do as well? Don't get me wrong....I am not angry, at least I don't think I am. But I am searching for that seemingly elusive answer. Why?
   Kenny, one of our favorite nephews, stopped in one night at the hospital.  We had a great conversation and while discussing the events of the last few days Kenny said, "It will sure be interesting when we find out why things happened in our life."  Kirk and I agree.  We may not have the answers today, or tomorrow or even 30 years from now.  What we do know is that there is a purpose. There is an opportunity for growth. Everything is connected, most likely in ways we cannot imagine. 
   Will the question ever be answered?  Maybe. Maybe not. The answer might be right in front of us and we cannot see the forest because of the trees.  One thing I know for sure is we won't stop looking.

Count Your Blessings...Name Them One By One

13 Blessings on the 13th Day ( In no particular order).
1- Kirk can feel his legs. Even though they hurt, he can feel them.
2- Kirk's Physical Therapist noted that Kirk's strength has greatly improved since Tuesday.
3- Bryn not only hung out for a while today but was also able to pick up the new prescription so I could go to work on time.
4- Kirk can move his feet.
5- Pete Robinson did not bring any alternative weapons to play today.
6- Dani got to hang out, watch a movie and visit for the afternoon.
7- Kirk has had 3 days in a row to hang out with Dad.
8- Jake Ervin brought Thai Drift Thursday Lunch special of Masaman.
9- Chris and Roger Pyne brought such an amazing dinner!
10- Keith Harrison, a long-time fire brother, came to visit and walk.
11- Nancy Athay and D'Anne Blackburn formed the first ever 21st Ward Cheering Squad as Kirk made his way down the street. No stunts were involved but we are looking forward to tomorrow!
12- A special delivery of chocolate chip cookies on a highly prized "bird plate" was hand baked and delivered by Jim and Danielle Carly.
13- Rick, Lori and Cole came by and also enjoyed the blessings of our wonderful dinner.
14- Old neighbors (Dave and Katrina Harlan, Tom Nielsen, John Dickinson) and new neighbors (Kyle Mang) took time out of their day to stop in and brighten our day.
Yes, that was 14. It is quite possible that we could continue counting our blessings but then you would probably keep reading ours instead of counting your own:)
Love to you all!
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One Step Forward.....

Here we are....day 12.

This is the first day Kirk was home without me. I'm thinking I am the one who suffered today. I can't tell you how hard it was to walk out the door this morning. I choked back the emotion, put on a smiley face and kissed him goodbye.

Kirk did so much physically yesterday that he paid for it today. In fact, for the last 10 days he has pushed the limits of his pain trying to be better, faster, stronger. (Remember the Six Million Dollar Man TV drama in the 80's? What would all of those upgrades cost now?) My mind keeps comparing his drive to get well faster to my drive (and most likely yours, too!) to do more, be more, accomplish more. In my unrelenting efforts of "more" am I really getting less? Less family time. Less spiritual time. Less time to really be better.

Lao Tzu, an ancient Chinese philosopher, said: "Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." I am certain the phrase "instant gratification" had not even been uttered back then. What a great message.....slow down, everything will work out. A dear friend, Kevin McCarthy, wrote me the other day and said something very powerful.... "There are two things that are certain. 1- Heavenly Father has a plan. 2- We are all in it. Put these two thoughts together and we continue to learn and grow, and get better, faster, stronger;)

Pete Robinson hung out with Kirk from nine to noon and was kind enough to hang the white board on the bedroom door so communication for all of us is better. He also entertained Kirk, and insured a higher place of stature with the dogs, with his marshmallow guns. I am not sure I will allow Pete to hang out with Kirk again without a list of acceptable activities:)

One of Kirk's best friends is his dad. Every set of days off that Kirk has includes a day(or more) hanging out with his dad, taking care of projects, yard work or just visiting. One of the greatest blessings in our adventure is that the two of them get to hang out a bit more. Dad is always watching out for each of his kids, grand kids and even great-grandkids! He is, and always has been, a wonderful example to us. I used to pray that Kirk would turn out just like his dad...and he has...always helping out someone.


Dani, our oldest daughter, stopped in around three and watched Second Hand Lions with her dad. This is one of my favorite pictures of the two of them on Dani's wedding day. She has had a bond with dad since birth. How blessed are we to have such close relationships with our girls. I honestly don't know what we would do without them.

It was wonderful to come home to the best homemade Mac and cheese EVER! Thanks so much my sweet Darci Marie, you have no idea how much that helped.

One step forward....just one at a time.



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I Got Your Back

It has been a great day of learning, planning, re-planning and wonderful visits with family and friends. Kirk has been home for more than 24 hours and his entire appearance seems to have changed for all of us who have been with him.
Kirk looks like he has lost so much weight but Bryn brought the scales upstairs and he is only down 2 pounds since the adventure began. I was helping him get dressed and was completely stunned at how big his pants were on him. Returning from our walk he dropped his drawers without even undoing them. While some of us would love to claim this talent, I was not entirely impressed:)
It is very humbling to help your sweetheart get totally dressed. I've tried to picture my attitude or willingness to let someone do this much for me. Think about your perception of yourself, the bottom line, I hope nobody ever sees me like this situation..... Now imagine exposing that, literally, to the world. I'm already blushing. From the caregiver's point of view, I am thinking, "Let me do this for you." Kirk says it's horrible, probably the worst thing ever. "It's very humbling but also very reassuring that you have someone who will do this for you." he finished his very emotional response with, "It's wonderful."
Lori and Cole stopped by tonight. Mostly because they heard our favorite son-in-law, Steven, was mowing the lawn and they wanted to witness this for themselves as Steven pays someone to do his;) For the record, it looks beautiful! Dave Nielsen, one of our fabulous nephews, came over and removed a limb over the covered patio that has been making sounds similar to fingernails on a chalkboard. Just that phrase makes my hair stand up. Now, that branch didn't grow overnight. It has been working it's magical way to that annoying position for some time, we just never got around to trimming it.
Mom and Dad, Peg, Don and D'anne Blackburn, Pete Robinson, Karen and Brian Murray, the girls....hopefully I haven't missed anyone, all came by today, visited, helped with something, lightened the load. How grateful we are.
The picture at the beginning of this post was a t-shirt from Cole and Lor. It says "Hey man, I got your back."
We know. And we thank you!!
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Deliriously Exhausted

I start this post with heavy eyelids and a light heart.
He is home. Kirk arrived in the ambulance, with his Fire Brethren at his side, to the delight of this weary woman. Now, how many people can say the ambulance took them home instead of to the hospital?

It is the tenth day since our adventure began. I haven't posted anything in the last two days. I have written my thoughts, just not sure if I can share them yet. In time.

Dr. Gardner was in Kirk's room shortly after 7 this morning. Beautiful smile on his face asking Kirk if he was ready to go home. How grateful we are for his knowledge, skill, sense of humor and compassion. Our vantage point could have been so different without him. When he left the room you could see him shake his head and he said, "You are one lucky guy."

True that!;)

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Fear VS. Faith

   Day six was Fabulous with a capitol F! I got to stay with Kirk the whole day at the hospital.  Even to sit there while he tried to sleep made ME feel so much better!  They started the morning removing the epidural from his back...super cool to watch and I totally have pictures if anyone wants to see them;)  I also took pictures of the staples holding the surgical wound together in his back...also super cool.

   When they got Kirk up to walk we had to place an extra gown around the back for "complete coverage" I looked at him and thought, "Just what a superhero needs....a cape."

   The girls were helping with various family events so we didn't see them until later in the afternoon. It was wonderful when Dani, Steven and Bryn walked in.  The feelings of the importance of having an eternal family makes my heart swell each time I see them caring for their dad and just standing by his side.  I know we will be together for eternity and that alone seems to be enough.

  Can I just talk about his Fire and Police Brothers.  We call them "The Brethren".  I'm not even sure of the words. .....mostly....I don't know how to spell the love that they give to him and to our family.  I'm sitting here blubbering, in happiness, about how blessed we are.
 
   Two of the Brethren came by yesterday morning and served my sweetheart by shaving his scruffiness off.  They were gently and compassionate and thoughtful.  These are TRUE MEN.  They serve willingly and happily.  I am pretty sure they didn't sit around the breakfast table at the fire station and say, "Please don't make us go see Bert again!"  They have been aching to see him and he was so ready to see them yesterday.  Russ Sneddon and  Ryan Peterson shaved Kirk, helped him brush his teeth and then walked with him.  Again, no words to describe my feelings....I'm going to have to get a thesaurus.

 Nursing staff were able to remove the catheter and the arterial line in his neck.  Oxygen was removed in the afternoon but was replaced about 10 last night.  Not sure yet if it is still on this morning. 

   I have been thinking about the future, specifically, how do we do this at home? I must admit I felt some really stressful moments.  I was going to sleep at the hospital with Kirk last night, just having a hard time being away from him right now.  We were laying in the dark, him on the hospital bed, me on the most uncomfortable recliner ever made, probably both thinking about the same things.  I whispered, "Are you awake?" He said yes.  "Did you know", I continued to whisper, "That faith and fear cannot go together?"  "I have heard that said before." he whispered back.

I have had a lot of fear in the last week...wow! It has been a week! Being the control freak that I am, I keep a firm grip on that fear.  I think I'm even afraid to let the fear go! Now, how crazy is that? Wait...let's not go into the crazy discussion;)  I know I have faith and I know Kirk has faith.  Why does fear seem easier to hold onto?  It's like I am hauling it around in my purse, in my pockets, even in my mind.  Well....I decided last night that I am giving it away...Free Fear!!  Bucket, Bushel, Truckload!  You can have it but I wouldn't recommend it.  I am going to get a new purse and it is going to be filled with faith.  And it will be fabulously cute too;)
Love to you all!

Hardware and Software

   Day 5 started out with a bang!  Kirk was moved from ICU to room 486.  Yes, it was at 3 AM but the doctor had decided of all of the ICU patients he was the one doing the best!!! You've got to take great news every time you can!!

   I told Kirk it's almost like we have moved from the Hilton to Motel 6.  ICU rooms were BIG. Our room is much smaller but that is good as visitors don't stay quite as long and Kirk gets a bit more rest.  I hope you all took that in the most positive way possible;)

   Angela, Dr. Gardner's Nurse Practitioner, came by to see us in the morning. Wow!  She is so knowledgeable and just as fun and friendly as Dr. Gardner.  She was even able to show us x-rays of the hardware they have installed in "Superfly" Bertelsen. It is absolutely amazing what these doctor's can do.

   They have stopped the pain meds going into Kirk's epidural which has increased his pain quite a bit.  He spent most of the day at a 6 or 7 but that did not stop him from walking with the therapists.  He made 3 laps around the nurses station and they were about to take him to his room when the therapist mentioned that 3 laps on this floor was equal to 2 laps in ICU.  Kirk made them do one more lap.  Well paint me surprised!

   Tomorrow is going to be a BIG day.  The plan is to actually remove the epidural and possibly the catheter.  The chest tube may come out also if his fluid output is acceptable.  The doctor told us it would be a rough couple of days but also said he will feel so much better after the chest tube is out.

   The girls continue to be at Kirk's side most of the day.  What a blessing.  They attend to his needs, feeding him, making sure he has everything right at hand.  We have only had immediate family visitors today and Kirk has been able to get more rest.  It was so good to see our nephew Jake, who will be getting married on Saturday!! We are so excited for him and sad not to be right in the middle of things with them.  My brother Kevin also came by and that did our hearts so good.  He always so fun to visit with.  Kenny, our oldest nephew was the last visitor of the day.  For those of you that know him, yes....he was rockin' his high pony.  For those of you that don't know him.....we have encouraged a haircut to which he said "It's here to stay and I am going to go test it out on one of the nurses."  He makes us laugh so much!  These heartfelt and emotional visits have softened the blows of the last few days and we feel so blessed.

   Kenny was very reflective with Kirk.  He was on the ride with Kirk and Steven when this happened and we worry that BOTH of them feel like this is their fault.  Let me assure everyone...this was meant to happen.  Whether they were riding motorcycles or walking down the street, we are meant to be on this adventure.  We are meant to slow things down and be more grateful for the things we have been blessed with. We are meant to appreciate the small and simple things in each moment.  Life has been going to fast, too furious....like a REALLY bad movie;)

   If you haven't ever read the book, The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom, I highly suggest it.  In fact, it is your reading assignment for this weekend. (There is a movie for you slow readers) It is a super fast read and you should be able to get through it.  Bertelsen fam...you are excused from this assignment for the weekend ONLY because of the wedding.  After reading this you will come to understand that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!! We may not know it today or ever in this earth life, but at some point in our existence, we will know the whys.

   I have been trying to send this pics of the hardware to the blog but I am having a tough time.  Keep checking back ...I'll get them here somehow.

   How do we ever thank all of you for your love, messages, prayers and support.  We will truly be indebted to you forever.  Love to you all!

Feeling The Love and Making Laps....

   It is the third day since our adventure began. It is two days since surgery. We continue to be amazed, inspired and so blessed. We are sitting here together, me, Kirk and the girls, and our conversation is alive with feelings of gratitude for our blessings and friends.

Mitch, therapist, Kevin Kemp, amazing Friend/Fire Brother/Life Flight Paramedic, Kirk "Superfly" Bertelsen, Mitch, Therapist.,

   Kirk has had a great day today. After he was fitted for his support brace and walked ten steps outside of his room yesterday, we all had great expectations for today. Kirk, on the other hand, was the one in pain and totally exhausted from yesterday's excursion. When Adam, the trauma room PA, stopped in to check on Kirk this morning, Kirk asked if he could request to not get up and walk again until his chest tube was removed. Adam said, "You can request that all you want but you WILL be getting up today." I don't know that I have ever heard Kirk be so compliant as when he said, "Okay."
   Kirk continues to impress everyone caring for him as well as those who love him so much. Today he made three laps around the nurses desk with his therapists. He ate well today and spent the evening having his nurse rotate him from side to side for 20 minutes each time trying to drain the fluid from his lungs in an effort to prevent pneumonia. She is so diligent with him and we are so grateful.
   I was speaking with a very dear friend today, Tim Anderson, a physical therapist who found himself in a similar situation about three years ago when he crashed his four wheeler. His body sustained a lot of damage and Tim spent months healing and learning basic things such as how to walk again. Oh, how we take these things for granted. I told Tim we could feel the prayers of all of our friends. He said he never understood that phrase until he experienced prayers from his family and friends through his Journey of healing. Your prayers have have sustained us. They have brought peace in a very unsettling situation. I'm a little bit of a control freak and this adventure does not make allowances for personality flaws such as mine. Feeling the prayers has helped me keep my hands inside until the ride comes to a complete stop. I've turned the steering over to those who know the way. Such a hard thing to do.
   I've been reading your comments to Kirk every night. We have laughed at some of our incredibly clever friends and held on tight to the well wishes. Kirk asked me to make sure that tonight's post thanked all of you. So...THANK YOU a million times! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Thank you for the phone calls, texts and comments on the blog and the Facebook updates. Thank you for the visits and even for being okay with not visiting so he can get enough rest to push himself during therapy. You have no idea how grateful we are.
    Kirk and I talked about how much we love Dr. Gardner. He is fun to visit with when he stops in but most of all, the man knows what he is doing. We have no idea how we got so blessed to have him as our surgeon. Kirk said, "I know he gets paid a lot but how do we ever repay him." The only answer I could come up with is that we are now indebted to him. We are okay with this.
   We went  one step further....Heavenly Father has given us so much, so much that we take for granted. Walking, eating unassisted, being able to move your body to make it comfortable without fear, even being able to go to work each day. All of these blessing that we are so freely given. How do we pay him back?
    I am certain our adventure will have its ups and downs, highs and lows and everything in between. I am so glad to have you along for the ride.

THE Big Ride On Tape!!

The Climb....

   Well, here we are....less than 24 hours after a surgery that took almost nine hours to repair the 12th thoracic vertabrea in Kirk's back.
   Dr. Gardner is either a magician, or just freaking amazing!  Everything went as well as could be expected during surgery and Dr. Gardner was very optimistic.  The majority of the Bertelsen family...more than 20 of them, sat together in the surgical waiting room anticipating a five hour surgery.  What relief we all felt as Dr. Gardner came out and sat down next to me with a very pleasant look on his face.  He made small talk for a bit but must have sensed our anxiety and finally gave us the glorious news.
   Kirk was measured on Saturday night by Ross from Northwest Prosthetic's for an"turtle shell" brace that he will wear for a while, helping everything stay straight and still so he can heal.  Wouldn't you know that when given a choice in the pattern he would like on it, he chose digital camo. I hope we don't lose him;)

   Ross came in this afternoon with the new brace and put it on Kirk. The therapy team was called in and they went to work getting Kirk to sit up.  It was very difficult for him and once he got to a sitting position he had to stay there for about 15 minutes just to let the lightheadedness go away.  Then Kirk said to the therapist, "Should we see if I can stand?" They helped him to a standing position.  Kirk thought he might pass out but he wanted to stand there, and he did for a few more minutes.  This may shock some of you, but Kirk said, "Should we see if I can walk?" I am not sure if the therapists have had such a willing and persistent patient but they were happy to oblige.  Kirk was able to walk about 10 steps outside of his room, with a therapist on each side, before he was completely worn out.

   In the last 48 hours the blessings have poured in. Kirk has had more than 100 visitors, phone calls, texts and messages on facebook.  The nurses have had to stop the visitors for a while so he can just have a rest.  I told Kirk I was worried that he wasn't getting enough rest and he insisted on seeing his Orem City Brothers because they make his day go so much better and faster.
   I don't know what I would do without our family, their strength and love have truly buoyed us up.  My girls have been so incredible, strong, and even graceful in their approach with everyone even though their emotions are running high.  They are so hopeful, as we are all, that their hero will heal.
   He will.  You know it and I know it.
   This is the beginning of our climb to the top of an amazing mountain.  We will do this together, united as family and friends and with the help of our Father in Heaven....all things are possible.

This is the beginning.......

   Well, the ride of Kirk's life was yesterday. Favorite son-in-law Steven and nephew Kenny were along for the adventure at Cherry Creek at the Sand Dunes. The sky was overcast and the weather couldn't have been better. Steven was the only one who remembered to bring his contour cam to document the ride and fortunately, or not, he was riding behind Kirk.
   The ride for the boys lasted only about 20 minutes before the soft sand sucked Kirk's front motorcycle tire and he crashed. He felt immediate pain in his back and from his waist down he had no feeling. He laid there for a minute while making his own paramedic assessment; Airway, check. Breathing, check. Circulation, check. He decided that it was a pinched nerve and if they just waited a few minutes he would be fine and they could continue on. After a few more minutes Steven and Kenny gave Kirk a hand up but within an inch or two of his shoulders coming off of the ground he stopped them and said maybe they should get some help.
   It took a while to get the Juab County Sheriff there and then Air Med stopped by to take him to the hospital. It has been 24 hours now and he has gone into surgery to repair the 12th thoracic vertebrae that has been crushed.
   He is in Neuro Trauma ICU for the next few days and then we will go from there. We are planning on quite a bit of rehab over the next few months.
    Kirk has a super upbeat attitude about the whole situation and we are both firm believers that EVERYTHING happens for a reason.
   In the few moments we had alone last night we talked about all of the changes we have made in our lives over the last few months and how it has helped make the current situation the best that it could be at the moment.
   Kirk said that it was an amazing day, it started with a motorcycle ride, then a helicopter ride and then a family get together with him as the guest of honor. Anyone who knows Kirk understands that he believes life is an adventure. He told me last night that he is excited to see where this ride will take us next.