8 Weeks Ago Today

Can you believe it has been eight weeks since Our Adventure began?

Sometimes it seems like years ago. Other times it feels like it was just yesterday.

We started today early by walking at the 8th Annual Suicide Prevention Walk in Provo. The theme was HOPE; Hold On. Persuade. Empower. It was good to spend our morning supporting some very special people in our lives and we are so grateful for the memories of those we have lost.

The walk was two miles and the route was one big square of several city blocks. At each corner stood a silent sign holder sharing a powerful message. I especially loved this one:




The majority of us have seen or heard the words of the Serenity Prayer throughout our lives but today they seemed to shout out to me "Hey You! Pay attention!"

In my mind, the Serenity Prayer has been a type of mantra for Alcoholics Anonymous, a poetic reminder that Heavenly Father has a plan, whether we like it or not. We cannot tell Him what to do, we just need to pay attention to the promptings of what He needs us to do.

For some reason, I have struggled with this in the last two months. But I am being reminded daily that I am not in charge. It's a bittersweet kind of thing:)

I am thinking of starting a new support group for people who think they can fix everything by themselves and in the process they create a whole new series of problems. I know I have mentioned Control Freaks Anonymous before but my BFF Cheryl said it's not actually "Anonymous" if you openly admit it.

This seems to present another problem........

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Adaptable

"Life is uncharted territory. It reveals its story one moment at a time" ~Leo Buscuglia

We have been making our way through the uncharted territory of Our Adventure for 46 days. Some days are like being in a deep fog of the unknowing but most days our path seems brilliantly clear.

Kirk is improving every day in strength, endurance and, if possible, hope.

He is still pushing some limits but seems to have accepted the "Marathon Mentality" in most of his activities. His main focus right now is increasing the amount of time he is out of bed, walking, sitting and standing. Since the doctor told him that he could be released for light duty on September 10th, it is all he can think of....getting back to the Brotherhood at Orem City.

The last week has been bursting with blessings and sprinkled with reminders of all that Kirk normally does for me and our family. It is a powerful testimony of "You don't know what you have until it is gone".

For years, Kirk has been the family "repairman" fixing everything from air conditioners, toilets, cars and yard tools. This is a natural talent he has that was noticed and nurtured from a young age by his dad and his grandpa Williams. Dad and Grandpa would be working on a motor of some kind and would have Kirk hold the light or hand them tools. At that time it may have seemed like a chore but he has been blessed with the experiences and knowledge throughout his life.



This blessing came full circle this week as he taught Bryn how to change the brakes on her car. He talked her through each step, handed her tools and shared generations of knowledge with her. Normally, Kirk would have completed this task on his own. Quickly, efficiently and effortlessly.

Bryn was so proud of herself, and so were we. She is a generally amazing girl that has an uncanny knack of making everything look easy. She said that the first wheel took over an hour to complete but the second one took only thirty minutes. I can honestly say that I do not personally know any other woman that has changed the brakes on her car. Impressive:)

This week has reminded me that adventure requires adaptation. I often think of a neighbor boy that just wanted to hang out with Bryn. She wasn't always excited about the idea of spending her day with a boy and would come up with suggestions of activities she was sure he would reject. He was willing to accept anything she threw at him, just to have a friend to play with. One time, she pulled out the big guns and told him, "I really just want to play Barbies today." His quick response left her speechless, "Great! I'll be Ken." From that time forth we referred to him as "Mr. Adaptable."

It is amazing the things we can learn in life if we are just willing to be adaptable.
Love to you all.



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Just Ask

Today is the 33rd day of our Adventure, our journey of learning and growing.

Kirk continues to push the limits, reaching as far as he can to return to life as we knew it as quick as he can. He is going stir-crazy not being able to get going and having to spend so much time in bed. Dad talked to him the other day about finding some new hobbies, ones that did not risk life and limb. "Maybe gardening or yard work." Dad offered. Kirk chuckled and said, "Dad, I hate yard work. And besides, this is the best my yard has looked because everyone else is taking care of it!" By this time they were both laughing. Two of my favorite men:)



Today marks one year since my uncle, Roger Carly, passed away. While I miss him and think of him daily, I am also grateful to feel his presence in our life. So much has changed in the last 365 days and I am keenly aware that none of it is in my hands. It never was. This is not just an admission, a baring of my control freak soul, it is an embrace of a new normal.

Our new normal is like looking through the glass of a shattered windshield. You can see the light, just not as clearly as you would like. Some things are distorted, maybe because we are not prepared to see them clearly yet. It's a process.

Part of the process finds me praying....a lot. I like to think that I used to pray regularly. I had a prayer in my heart, and thanked Heavenly Father for the things I felt that we were blessed with. Prayers, especially those filled with thanksgiving, seem so much more powerful now. I know Heavenly Father hasn't changed anything, which leaves only one conclusion....we have changed.

Prayer has changed our life as much as the Adventure has. In fact, the two seem inseparable. The Adventure began and we prayed. As soon as I hung up the phone with Steven telling me "Kirk's been in a motorcycle crash and they life flighted him to Utah Valley.....but he is okay.", I fell to my knees and prayed that he really was okay. As soon as family could be gathered at the hospital many more prayers were uttered and as he was readied for an MRI his dad and brother Rick gave him a priesthood blessing. As I watched family, doctors, co-workers and friends talk to him in those first few hours, I prayed that everything would go well. Within the first 24 hours the heavens were flooded with prayers on Kirk's behalf. We prayed for him. We prayed for the surgeons and staff. We prayed that he would not be paralyzed, that he would not have deficits, that we would all be able to understand and embrace our future. We prayed for the biggest things and the smallest things.

Our prayers have only increased. They have actually become continual. Why? Because we could not do this without Divine Guidance. Not praying for help but expecting that everything will go well is like trying to drive cross country without a map. Sure, there might be some road signs you can follow but without the guidance from a perfect source chances are you are going to get lost.
In our prayer together last night I asked Heavenly Father for a specific blessing. Today, it is like the floodgates opened....maybe just part way but open nonetheless. My first thought was to thank Heavenly Father. As I pulled over in my car and offered a prayer of thanksgiving I thought about how miraculous prayer is. In an instant I heard, "All you had to do was ask." That simple. All I had to do was ask.
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Big Jake

The last four weeks have been a blur. Today, day 28, has been probably the most beautiful and bittersweet that we have experienced through our Adventure.

Jake and Kim Ervin came over today for a visit and to have lunch with us. Jake is a Public Safety Officer for Orem City and has been Kirk's co-worker, riding buddy and co-mechanic on many-a-project. They have spent almost as much time together in the last few years than Kirk and I have. Because of this, Jake is known in our family as "Dad's boyfriend", in the most professional way, of course;).



Like so many of our wonderful friends, Jake has been here to help with anything we have needed. A blessing of the Brotherhood and of a "brother".

Today Jake took Shamika, Kirk's beloved BMW motorcycle, home with him to prepare her for a new home, new rides, a new owner. This is one of those days that we knew was coming but has arrived too soon and it has been met not only with heartache but with gratitude as well. There is a very short list of people Kirk would trust Shamika with. Jake is at the top.

Shamika has taken Kirk to Heaven and back over the last 4 years with trips to Canada, Colorado, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Idaho, Wyoming, California and all over Utah. We have many pictures of Shamika with an amazing site in the background. Kind of like having someone take your picture on a vacation, only Shamika was the "person" in the picture. I guess this is something motorcycle enthusiast do.












Shamika has become a member of our family. At one time she even took over the garage. Kirk told me her paint was water-based and being in the weather would not be good for her. I accepted it, for a while. She has every accessory known to mankind installed on her and has enough storage to keep her rider well equipped for a 2 week excursion. She has a piece of Kirk's heart, so she has a piece of mine too.

John Wayne plays Jacob McCandles in the old western Big Jake. Near the end he is just about to render a man lifeless when the man asks who he is. John Wayne replies, "I am Jacob McCandles." The shocked man says, "I thought you was dead!" Big Jake responds with two words; "Not Hardly."


Kirk and I have been watching this show tonight as I have been preparing our post and I find it perfectly fitting that the hero in the show shares the same name as our dear friend. Big Jake.

I also find Big Jake's words appropriate for our Adventure. Will the fun and excitement end because Shamika isn't with us? Will Kirk not have hobbies that bring him as much joy as riding has? In Big Jake's powerful voice I hear...."Not Hardly."



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Choices

We have been blessed with two thoughtful, compassionate, giving daughters and, as a bonus, we have also acquired one amazing son-in-law. As many in the family have said, Dani sure set the bar high when she agreed to marry Steven. Some day, we fully expect to have another son-in-law that will challenge Steven's "favorite Son-In-Law" status;).







Throughout Dani and Bryn's lives we have tried to instill the very simple fact that "Attitude is Everything". It is really that easy.

25 days since the adventure began and almost every visitor to our home, on the phone, in comments on the blog and facebook, talks about how positive we have been through this whole journey. What we hope everyone realizes is that it is a choice, a very conscious effort, to make the best of everything.

It can be so easy to be consumed by the negativity in everyday life. How many times have you checked facebook to see what was going on with your friends to find a bunch of comments relaying to the world how bad their day was, how unhappy they are or how much they hate their job? It is not only consuming, it is contagious!!

In EVERY situation in life, you have two choices: You can make the best of it or you can make the worst of it. It's your choice.

This philosophy is the core of our beliefs and guides the actions in our lives. It also gives great comfort to control freaks, such as myself. No matter what the situation, no matter what someone else says or does to hurt you, you can CHOOSE to make the best of it by controlling YOUR thoughts, words and actions and only sharing the positive ones.

Just so you know, our adventure is no cake walk. It is probably more emotionally draining than anything else. Kirk made the comment to one of our neighbors today that he used to think it would be great if all he had to do was lay in bed and watch TV. After 25 days in bed and only 20 minutes of standing/sitting/walking at a time, he has changed his mind. He has been in pain, achy, frustrated, tired and even helpless at times. Would you know it if you stopped by or called? Probably not. Why? He has chosen to make the best of it and that is what he will share.

We both want to thank you for the continued prayers for Kirk, his healing and our family. Thank you for the service you continue to give and the thoughtful words you share. This all helps us to persevere, to make the best of the adventure and to learn the most that we can so that some day we can help lighten someone else's load.
Love to you all!!


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Moments

Life is so amazing when you stand back, take a breath and focus on the precise moment you are in. How many times today have you focused on any one moment? Have there been moments today that should have been savored but in the bustle of life they passed by with hardly a thought? Let me share a couple of ours.......


Day 20. Date night. We decided to stay in tonight:) Glad we did or we would have missed some great company.

The first picture is of one of the many girls we claim as our own, Dani Brady, and her boys Jack and Nick. Dani has been in our life for about 15 years and has been one of our Dani's best friends. The dogs were so glad to have them here and the boys were totally mesmerized by Kirk and his "crash video".


This last picture is an older one of Jim and Danielle Carly and their adorable kids (L-R) Eli, Kate, Porter and Whitney. Jim is actually our cousin but we refer to him as a brother and the kids call them Aunt and Uncle when introducing them to anyone. Kirk and I look up to them (even though they are slightly younger, okay...and maybe shorter....) in so many ways and feel so blessed to have them in our lives.
Jim and Danielle came over tonight and Jim installed a remote control on the fan in the bedroom for Kirk. Something so simple for Jim but that will make such a difference for Kirk on a daily basis.
I hope you don't get tired of me telling you how utterly amazing our daughters are. I don't know that a day has passed in the last 20 that they have not been right here, wherever here is at the time, to support and care for Kirk and me. Dani and Bryn are the two best things that have ever happened to us.
We have blessings like this every day. Again, a small amount of time out of their lives makes such a difference in ours. I brought Chinese food home for our date night. Here's a picture of my fortune:



May you be just as blessed:)

Going For Gold

Kirk and I are sitting here with Bryn and Steven,watching the Women's Gymnastics competition. I must tell you that Steven was the most excited of all of us to watch this...he is fabulous at all sports (except women's gymnastics;) and loves to watch sporting events.

The competitors are absolutely amazing! They are so strong, disciplined, focused and talented.
Bryn

We just watched a girl from Russia on the uneven bars and as she circled around the top bar, using only her hands, Bryn announced that she was able to do this when she was in gymnastics (ages 6-8). Steven, with some doubt in his voice, questioned the validity of Bryn's statement to which she fervently responded, "I got a participation ribbon!" She then giggled and said that the ribbon meant that she wasn't really very good at it. She isn't exactly correct. She was good, naturally good, but her heart was not in it. And that's okay....when you are as talented as she is, at so many things, you have to pick and choose which hobbies will be a priority in your life.

It is the same scenario for adults. We find things we are interested in, spend our time, effort and resources and make it a priority in our life. Sometimes we get a participation ribbon. Sometimes we get the gold.



Riding motorcycles is where Kirk's heart is at. It is the culmination of adrenaline, skill and adventure. It is challenging both physically and mentally. It is has been a hobby of his for more than 30 years. It has changed his life, in more ways than one.


It is no surprise that the continuation of riding motorcycles has been a topic of conversation in our family. In the first few days after the adventure began Kirk told Steven and his nephews, "Don't sell your bikes. We're going to be back on those in no time." On day six he was rethinking things. Six days laying in bed with crazy amounts of pain can do that to a person who is so used to go-go-going.

Day 17 and the topic has been brought up again. Should he sell the bike, or both bikes? What would the consequences be if there was another crash? Riding has brought so much joy to his life and the answers will surely take some time. Kirk says, "The decision has already been made in my mind, it is just getting my heart to go along with it."

We had our first "outing" today in Kirk's beloved Rover. He was delighted to get out, even if it was to a doctor's appointment. About ten minutes into the ride he looked at me and said, "Riding in a car is not as much fun as I thought it would be." I can't imagine that reclining in the passenger seat with a back brace on and traveling on a not-so-smooth road would be enticing for many.

Dr. Karl Francis was our "approach surgeon" meaning he opened Kirk up and got everything out of the way for Dr. Paul Gardner to be able to work on Kirk's spine. Our appointment today was just to check his surgery site and make sure there was no problem or infection. We were able to get in quickly and Dr. Francis was there before Kirk could even lay down. Everything looked great!

Our "fun" outing exhausted Kirk but he was so happy to have his friend Ralph bring him some lunch and hang out for the afternoon. What would we do without our family and friends?
They have truly carried us through each day with their love and support.

We retire tonight, full of gratitude and appreciation. Lots to think about and lots more to be thankful for. One thing I know for sure is that we won't settle for a participation ribbon when it comes to our future. We will definitely be going for the gold.







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We Owe You

16 days into the adventure and we continue to have so much support through visits, messages, phone calls, food and service. As we sit together each night and talk about the events of the day, our conversation always turns to our gratitude to each and every person who has taken time out of their lives to help in some way. The same question keeps coming up..... how do we ever thank everyone?

One of the first times this question was vocalized was in the hospital the day after Kirk's surgery. Dr. Gardner had stopped in to check on Kirk, delighted us with his humor and humbled us with his knowledge and skill. He left the room and Kirk said, "How do we ever thank him?"

This amazing man has given Kirk mobility, hope and a quality of life that exceeds our expectations every day. He has given me my sweetheart for whatever amount of time Heavenly Father deems is "enough". He has given Dani and Bryn "Daddy Daughter Dates" and opportunities to share their lives and love with him. He has given favorite son-in-law, Steven, inspiration to search out and find a new hobby they can share together. He has given his parents more time to see their "baby" continue to grow, be successful and meet challenges head on.

During our daily reflections Kirk said, "People go to medical school every day with the goal of having that one experience that makes a difference. That one surgery that changes someone's life. I was that one." He was...and is...that miracle. That is the way we see it. Dr. Gardner seems to humbly take it in stride, stating that someone "was looking out for Kirk".

Dr. Gardner is just one of the many we owe a debt of gratitude to. I am afraid to start naming every individual that we love and appreciate for fear that I would miss someone....my thoughts are still running 90 miles a minute....and there are SOOOO many.

Kirk has a great saying that always makes me giggle.... "I'd rather owe you than cheat you out of it." We are going to owe a LOT of people. And we plan on working that debt off for the rest of our lives.
Love to you all!



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Count Your Blessings...Name Them One By One

13 Blessings on the 13th Day ( In no particular order).
1- Kirk can feel his legs. Even though they hurt, he can feel them.
2- Kirk's Physical Therapist noted that Kirk's strength has greatly improved since Tuesday.
3- Bryn not only hung out for a while today but was also able to pick up the new prescription so I could go to work on time.
4- Kirk can move his feet.
5- Pete Robinson did not bring any alternative weapons to play today.
6- Dani got to hang out, watch a movie and visit for the afternoon.
7- Kirk has had 3 days in a row to hang out with Dad.
8- Jake Ervin brought Thai Drift Thursday Lunch special of Masaman.
9- Chris and Roger Pyne brought such an amazing dinner!
10- Keith Harrison, a long-time fire brother, came to visit and walk.
11- Nancy Athay and D'Anne Blackburn formed the first ever 21st Ward Cheering Squad as Kirk made his way down the street. No stunts were involved but we are looking forward to tomorrow!
12- A special delivery of chocolate chip cookies on a highly prized "bird plate" was hand baked and delivered by Jim and Danielle Carly.
13- Rick, Lori and Cole came by and also enjoyed the blessings of our wonderful dinner.
14- Old neighbors (Dave and Katrina Harlan, Tom Nielsen, John Dickinson) and new neighbors (Kyle Mang) took time out of their day to stop in and brighten our day.
Yes, that was 14. It is quite possible that we could continue counting our blessings but then you would probably keep reading ours instead of counting your own:)
Love to you all!
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