Are You Prepared?

35 days since the beginning of our Adventure. Each day, each hour, each minute, is one more gift we have been given. Some of those gifts are wrapped up beautifully with nice big bows. Some have been disguised as difficulties and pain. Nevertheless, they are all gifts.

After our fun-filled, fast-paced day yesterday we were both physically and mentally exhausted today. So glad it was Sunday, a much slower-paced day.





Jim and Danielle stopped by yesterday after running the Hobble Creek Half Marathon. I love this picture of them, full of energy, vitality, happiness. The perfect description of them. Kirk asked Jim what it was like to run the half marathon and his response was powerful, "It's like everything in life. If you are prepared, it's great. If not, it sucks." Jim and Danielle have been preparing for this run for several months and it seems to have paid off.

This is the second time in as many days that being prepared has been discussed. I had a late lunch with Cheryl on Friday and we talked about her efforts of updating her Emergency 72 hour kit. She is doing everything she can to be prepared in the event of an emergency. That's Cheryl on the left, me on the right. We have had many discussions about being prepared over the last almost 20 years of friendship.



Kirk and I have always been into "preparedness" whether it is food storage, camping equipment, road trips. It is one of those things that I could talk about, think about and plan out for hours. Typing this post has made me dissect my passion of being prepared. Bottom line....it is a control issue. I am starting to feel like this is Control Freaks Anonymous....and, in case you were wondering...I am the president.

One thing we were never prepared for is our Adventure. We were not prepared for the outpouring of love, support, prayers and service of our family, friends and neighbors. We could have never imagined being prepared for the mental and physical toll this could take on each of us. How do you prepare for these things?

We are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and in a book of scripture known as The Doctrine and Covenants is a verse that says, "If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear." (D&C 38:30). I have hung on to this verse as a guiding light in my life. When something worried me, I would figure out what I needed to do to be prepared and do it. This works for many of life's trials and experiences. Just like Jim said, "If you are prepared, it's great. If not, it sucks."

We may not have prepared specifically for the Adventure but we see that the steps we have made, for what we thought were other reasons, have blessed us. We have been blessed by the preparations and actions of so many others that, when added to our efforts, the picture becomes much clearer, much more doable, much more beautiful.

As we thank our Father in Heaven each day in the last 35 for the blessings we have been given, we always start by thanking Him for our Adventure. We have learned so much about ourselves, each other, our family, friends and neighbors that we would not have had the opportunity to learn in any other way.

We have learned that we did something right in our parenting efforts by seeing the way our kids have supported us through their service and love. That alone makes the Adventure worth it! Who would have thought that teaching your kids to serve others would have been part of the preparation for an Adventure such as ours?

We have learned that we still have a lot to learn and a lot to prepare for. I guess if you are not preparing for something, you might not actually be living. And, everything you do is a preparation for something in your life. Be prepared and it will be great!!!

Love you all!



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Shadows

Day 30. Wow! Can you believe it? I sometimes still have to pinch myself to make sure it's real.

Kirk got a "Get Out of Jail Free" card today (he calls being stuck in bed Jail) and was able to take a drive to Northwest Orthotics to have his turtle shell resized. He has lost so much weight that it is not supporting him like it should. I called this morning thinking they would just come to the house in the next few days but they wanted him to come in today!








We have been working with Russ since the night of the accident and he has been wonderful to continue altering the shell so that it fits Kirk perfectly. Thank you, Thank you Russ!












The entire outing took almost an hour and a half and Kirk seemed pretty happy about getting back to his "cell". I even left him alone for a couple of hours (gasp!!) and he lived through it! Good thing that Bryn stopped in to check on him and I am sure she rescued him from certain death.


While Kirk and I were driving back from Provo we were next to a pest control truck that had a picture of a large spider with an even larger shadow. The thought crossed my mind and quickly came out my mouth, "I think the reason people are afraid of spiders is because their shadows are  so big." Kirk chuckled and politely agreed.




As I have continued bustling about today I kept thinking about that spider shadow. Shadows are scary! Think of the most terrifying movie you have seen. Right before the scariest part you hear the heart pumping music, there is major darkness and then......a shadow. I read once that FEAR is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. That is a shadow!
Our Adventure has had some shadows. Little shadows. Big shadows. The biggest one is the shadow of the future. We have made so many plans, just like you have, but we really don't know what our future will bring until a little more light appears on the scene. We know this will just take time. That doesn't make it any less scary, but we can handle it. Something about an Adventure.......it is full of excitement!!
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BEST Day EVER!

In celebration of the two week mark...day 14...Kirk walked 14 blocks!!

When I asked Kirk what he wanted to say on the blog today he said, "This has been the best day EVER!" You can see those words in his face, actions and of course, his attitude.


Our Physical Therapist came again today and told Kirk he can see continued improvement in him each time. That alone has got to make a guy feel great!!


Dad and Dave (nephew) installed a shower bar yesterday and I cannot tell you how much of a difference that made for BOTH of us! I must admit that our first home shower experience is now referred to as "The Shower Incident".

I thought I was completely prepared to assist Kirk in the shower. I had a shower chair in the tub, his shower gel, scrubby (like a loofa only much more manly), a towel to dry off with and clothes to get into afterwards.

The first sign of a problem came as he sat down on the shower chair. I had not considered that it was on the lowest setting possible and was so low that Kirk immediately said, "Oh crap...this is low!" I tried to reassure him that everything was okay and, since we only have a 20 minute time frame for him to be sitting and/or standing, we should get him washed up and I would be able to assist him out of the shower.

By the time we finished with the shower Kirk was uncontrollably shivering(He generally keeps it so cold in our house that you could hang a side of beef!) I grabbed another towel and tried to get him covered and dry. He tried to stand up but did not have the strength. He said, "This is not good." As a police Officer/Firefighter/Paramedic, Kirk has had the opportunity of rescuing many citizens who, for one reason or another, are stuck somewhere in the bathroom, usually without clothing. I can't imagine that his mind did not consider himself on the other side of the rescue.

I immediately thought of the Caregiver Support Groups and classes that I have instructed and went into action. I placed one foot in the tub, between his legs, one outside of the tub, squatted lower and had him use me as his support to stand. He calls it a "Fireman Lift" I call it miraculous! We got him out, dressed and back into bed. It was so hard to get his body to calm back down and to get his pain under control but he kept saying, "I'm so glad I can feel my legs. I'm so glad I can feel my legs," I love how he can put life into perspective so quickly.

He slept so good. I would like to say my preparations helped but I'm afraid it was my lack of preparations:/ Either way....we worked through it together and all is well. That's the way you get through anything...together. I am so glad we are on this adventure together.....it would be so lonely without him.

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Why?

   In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages were based on her studies of the feelings of terminally ill patients, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one, a break-up or job loss, even  an accident.  The stages are as follows:

1. Denial...."This can't be happening to me."

2. Anger...."Why is this happening to me? Who is to blame?"

3. Bargaining.... "Make this not happen and in return I will _______."

4. Depression...."I am so sad I cannot do anything."

5. Acceptance....."I am at peace with what has happened."

   Not everyone goes through every stage and they don't necessarily come in this order.

   When Kirk had his accident, and I really want to call it something else, something that was meant to be, not something that randomly happened without a purpose, he arrived in ICU sandwiched between two other motorcycle accidents. One in the room to the left. The other in the room to the right.  One of the other victims was also a firefighter.  All three were in critical condition.  One was transferred to a specialty hospital and is slowly showing signs of recovery.  One passed away.  Kirk continues to stun the doctors, therapists and nursing staff as he goes above and beyond all expectations of healing.

 Why?

  

  That is my question of the day.  Why did this happen? Why is Kirk healing so quickly? Why didn't the others do as well? Don't get me wrong....I am not angry, at least I don't think I am. But I am searching for that seemingly elusive answer. Why?
   Kenny, one of our favorite nephews, stopped in one night at the hospital.  We had a great conversation and while discussing the events of the last few days Kenny said, "It will sure be interesting when we find out why things happened in our life."  Kirk and I agree.  We may not have the answers today, or tomorrow or even 30 years from now.  What we do know is that there is a purpose. There is an opportunity for growth. Everything is connected, most likely in ways we cannot imagine. 
   Will the question ever be answered?  Maybe. Maybe not. The answer might be right in front of us and we cannot see the forest because of the trees.  One thing I know for sure is we won't stop looking.

Fear VS. Faith

   Day six was Fabulous with a capitol F! I got to stay with Kirk the whole day at the hospital.  Even to sit there while he tried to sleep made ME feel so much better!  They started the morning removing the epidural from his back...super cool to watch and I totally have pictures if anyone wants to see them;)  I also took pictures of the staples holding the surgical wound together in his back...also super cool.

   When they got Kirk up to walk we had to place an extra gown around the back for "complete coverage" I looked at him and thought, "Just what a superhero needs....a cape."

   The girls were helping with various family events so we didn't see them until later in the afternoon. It was wonderful when Dani, Steven and Bryn walked in.  The feelings of the importance of having an eternal family makes my heart swell each time I see them caring for their dad and just standing by his side.  I know we will be together for eternity and that alone seems to be enough.

  Can I just talk about his Fire and Police Brothers.  We call them "The Brethren".  I'm not even sure of the words. .....mostly....I don't know how to spell the love that they give to him and to our family.  I'm sitting here blubbering, in happiness, about how blessed we are.
 
   Two of the Brethren came by yesterday morning and served my sweetheart by shaving his scruffiness off.  They were gently and compassionate and thoughtful.  These are TRUE MEN.  They serve willingly and happily.  I am pretty sure they didn't sit around the breakfast table at the fire station and say, "Please don't make us go see Bert again!"  They have been aching to see him and he was so ready to see them yesterday.  Russ Sneddon and  Ryan Peterson shaved Kirk, helped him brush his teeth and then walked with him.  Again, no words to describe my feelings....I'm going to have to get a thesaurus.

 Nursing staff were able to remove the catheter and the arterial line in his neck.  Oxygen was removed in the afternoon but was replaced about 10 last night.  Not sure yet if it is still on this morning. 

   I have been thinking about the future, specifically, how do we do this at home? I must admit I felt some really stressful moments.  I was going to sleep at the hospital with Kirk last night, just having a hard time being away from him right now.  We were laying in the dark, him on the hospital bed, me on the most uncomfortable recliner ever made, probably both thinking about the same things.  I whispered, "Are you awake?" He said yes.  "Did you know", I continued to whisper, "That faith and fear cannot go together?"  "I have heard that said before." he whispered back.

I have had a lot of fear in the last week...wow! It has been a week! Being the control freak that I am, I keep a firm grip on that fear.  I think I'm even afraid to let the fear go! Now, how crazy is that? Wait...let's not go into the crazy discussion;)  I know I have faith and I know Kirk has faith.  Why does fear seem easier to hold onto?  It's like I am hauling it around in my purse, in my pockets, even in my mind.  Well....I decided last night that I am giving it away...Free Fear!!  Bucket, Bushel, Truckload!  You can have it but I wouldn't recommend it.  I am going to get a new purse and it is going to be filled with faith.  And it will be fabulously cute too;)
Love to you all!