Bullet Proof

Whew..... I cannot believe that it is only 8:30 PM. It has been a long, fun-filled 34th day of our Adventure.
As I got everything ready for bed last night, Kirk told me he wanted me to sleep in today. "Don't come in to give me my pills, just sleep in, I'll be fine." As the 6:00 AM alarm went off on our phones to remind us about taking medication, I stayed in my bed and listened intently to hear the unmistakable sound of the lid being removed from the pill container. He had taken his meds and I drifted back to sleep. I woke up about 7:30 and cuddled with the dogs, making myself stay in the bed and not wake him up. The 8:00 AM alarm went off and again, I heard him take his meds. Our walkie-talkies didn't work last night so I texted him a message at 8:01 AM saying, "I'm going to stay in bed just a bit longer." He didn't respond and everything was so quiet coming from his room that I thought he must have gone back to sleep. About 8:15 I peeked into his room to check on him. As soon as he saw me he said, "I can't believe you would abandon me in my hour of need!" Now....if you don't know Kirk/Bert very well....this is said with the perfect amount of humor, timing and a sly little grin. He hadn't seen my text and was waiting to toss out his one-liner the minute he saw me. It was a beautiful, fun way to start our Saturday together.

Dr. Gardner had told us, when Kirk was released from the hospital, that he didn't want Kirk riding around in the car because being in a car wreck could really toss a wrench into the healing process. It is my belief that Dr. Gardner had no idea how good my driving record has been and was merely concerned about the skill of the OTHER drivers on the road. I have bent this rule a tiny, tiny bit. I have taken Kirk every Saturday morning to the local Gas-N-Go that our dear friend and neighbor, Chris Frampton, owns. Kirk gets a drink, visits with Chris for a minute and gets time out of "jail".
This morning, in a moment of sheer kindness I asked Kirk, "Would you like to drive?" I was unprepared for his quick response, "Yes!" That was it. I was locked in. I couldn't say, "Just kidding!" without some serious back-peddling. So, I went along for the ride....so to speak.




Today marks 5 weeks since the Adventure began and 5 weeks since Kirk has operated a motor vehicle. He did wonderfully! Of course, this went straight to his head and he got all cocky with me for the rest of the day. Kind of brave for a guy who is worried about me being there in his "time of need";)

Even with the weight loss and the back brace on, Kirk can still look pretty intimidating when he walks into a room. As we walked into Gas-N-Go a gentleman was walking out, took a long look at Kirk and asked, "Is that thing bullet proof?" I am sure it was hard for Kirk to answer without laughing, "It's a back brace. I broke my back." I think the Junior Police Officer sticker badge can fool a lot of people. I know it worked for me in several instances during my youth.

Our day continued with visits from friends, family and neighbors. It is mind boggling to see how many people Kirk has had an effect on through his life, that continue to love, serve and pray for his complete recovery. We have been so blessed and so humbled by the wonderful examples we have in our life.

Kirk had his second PUSH Therapy appointment with Jennifer Tippetts. Two days after his first appointment with her he was so sick and so sore that he said he wasn't sure he wanted to do that again. He is glad that he did, it was much less painful this time as his muscles are healing and getting stronger.








We ended the day at Rick and Lori's for our first "outing" including a great dinner of BBQ burgers and dogs and some seriously delicious sweet potato fries. I even let Kirk drive again! Okay, I didn't actually "let" him, he has taken the rover keys, hung them in his room where he can "keep his eye on them" and revoked my driving privileges in "his" car.

With his new-found cockiness he is going to wish that shell was bullet proof!

Truth be told, this is the guy I love! I have missed his teasing and fun sense of humor. I know he is getting better just by listening to him tease all of us. Welcome back sweetheart.

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Gifts

Kirk said that last night was the best night he has had since our Adventure began 34 days ago. He only woke up a couple of times, one time was my fault, he had heard the bathroom door close and said, "Hey, what are you doing?" I went into his room and we had a nice little visit. It is interesting how deep our conversations can get in such a short time. This was something we needed, to become even closer, and it is a gift we have been given with our Adventure.


One of our blog friends recommended some movies for our family to watch together, one of them was called The Ultimate Gift. Dad had brought up a bag of what he called "babysitting tools" (movies) to occupy his time with Kirk. One of the movies happened to be The Ultimate Gift and Kirk and I watched it together one quiet evening. We both loved it....the message of the movie is one that we could all learn from, the true gifts in life that we often take for granted.

Being inspired by the movie, we would like to share some of the gifts we have received from our Adventure with you. They are in no particular order, each bearing the same value in our eyes.

We believe that having each other is a gift. Being married to a Police Officer that is an adrenaline junkie, motorcycle riding, gun shooting, fast paced guy can naturally make a spouse, like me, keep a nightmarish ending in the back of her mind. Kirk used to tell me, "If I die in a motorcycle crash, know that I went smiling." While this is a very serious statement for Kirk, it's not really a lot to hang on to for me, especially with the all too recent Adventure still fresh on my mind.

Our Family and Friends have been an immeasurable gift. The love, support, service and prayers on our behalf is more than we could have ever asked for or imagined. Asking for help is one of the most difficult things in life, but being served in such a loving way has humbled us. We more fully understand Charity as the pure love of Jesus Christ because of what we have experienced through the Adventure.

Kirk has been in a hospital bed in the spare bedroom for the last three weeks. As visitors have come and gone, all passing by the foot of his bed, many have given his feet a little squeeze as they leave the room. Being able to feel someone squeeze his feet has been such a gift for Kirk. I am not sure how he would have felt about that prior to the Adventure but, he counts it as a gift now.

Being able to share our feelings, experiences and thoughts through the blog has been a gift. It is therapeutic and even calming for me. It is like writing in a journal, documenting events that dominate our life...change our life....and hoping that writing it down will help us remember how it felt in the moment. That is definitely part of learning...remembering.

Remote controls are a gift. In the first week home our cousin/brother, Jim Carly, came over and installed a remote control on the ceiling fan for Kirk. He uses this remote more than the TV remote, needing to change the temperature many times each day or even turn the light on and off. We wouldn't have even thought of needing this before our journey began.

Living in a time where modern medicine is so advanced is a gift. Kirk and I have talked a few times about what would happen to a person who lived a hundred years ago and broke his back. Imagine a farmer, whose whole existence is spent in the field to support his wife and family. He breaks his back and as family members try to get him back to the house he becomes paralyzed, unable to move at all. He is in excruciating pain without any type of medication or therapy that will relieve his distress. How blessed are we to have skilled, knowledgable doctors, surgeons and medical staff that can determine what is wrong and make every effort to correct the problem as well as keep the patient in as little pain as possible through medication. What a gift we have be given.

These are just a few of our gifts. We hope that it inspires you to think about your life, examine the very minuet details of your abilities, resources and your loved ones. Have you overlooked the importance of the little things, and even the big things? What are we doing with our gifts? Don't wait for your own Adventure before you realize how blessed you are.

That too, is a gift.



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Just Ask

Today is the 33rd day of our Adventure, our journey of learning and growing.

Kirk continues to push the limits, reaching as far as he can to return to life as we knew it as quick as he can. He is going stir-crazy not being able to get going and having to spend so much time in bed. Dad talked to him the other day about finding some new hobbies, ones that did not risk life and limb. "Maybe gardening or yard work." Dad offered. Kirk chuckled and said, "Dad, I hate yard work. And besides, this is the best my yard has looked because everyone else is taking care of it!" By this time they were both laughing. Two of my favorite men:)



Today marks one year since my uncle, Roger Carly, passed away. While I miss him and think of him daily, I am also grateful to feel his presence in our life. So much has changed in the last 365 days and I am keenly aware that none of it is in my hands. It never was. This is not just an admission, a baring of my control freak soul, it is an embrace of a new normal.

Our new normal is like looking through the glass of a shattered windshield. You can see the light, just not as clearly as you would like. Some things are distorted, maybe because we are not prepared to see them clearly yet. It's a process.

Part of the process finds me praying....a lot. I like to think that I used to pray regularly. I had a prayer in my heart, and thanked Heavenly Father for the things I felt that we were blessed with. Prayers, especially those filled with thanksgiving, seem so much more powerful now. I know Heavenly Father hasn't changed anything, which leaves only one conclusion....we have changed.

Prayer has changed our life as much as the Adventure has. In fact, the two seem inseparable. The Adventure began and we prayed. As soon as I hung up the phone with Steven telling me "Kirk's been in a motorcycle crash and they life flighted him to Utah Valley.....but he is okay.", I fell to my knees and prayed that he really was okay. As soon as family could be gathered at the hospital many more prayers were uttered and as he was readied for an MRI his dad and brother Rick gave him a priesthood blessing. As I watched family, doctors, co-workers and friends talk to him in those first few hours, I prayed that everything would go well. Within the first 24 hours the heavens were flooded with prayers on Kirk's behalf. We prayed for him. We prayed for the surgeons and staff. We prayed that he would not be paralyzed, that he would not have deficits, that we would all be able to understand and embrace our future. We prayed for the biggest things and the smallest things.

Our prayers have only increased. They have actually become continual. Why? Because we could not do this without Divine Guidance. Not praying for help but expecting that everything will go well is like trying to drive cross country without a map. Sure, there might be some road signs you can follow but without the guidance from a perfect source chances are you are going to get lost.
In our prayer together last night I asked Heavenly Father for a specific blessing. Today, it is like the floodgates opened....maybe just part way but open nonetheless. My first thought was to thank Heavenly Father. As I pulled over in my car and offered a prayer of thanksgiving I thought about how miraculous prayer is. In an instant I heard, "All you had to do was ask." That simple. All I had to do was ask.
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Sharing

It is day 32 and I would first like to apologize for no post yesterday. I asked Kirk last night what he would like to talk about on the blog and he said he felt like it was "a non-blog worthy day." So I put the Ipad away and we enjoyed a quiet evening together. It was a nice break after a long day.




Interestingly enough, both Dani and Bryn were here tonight for dinner and I asked them and Kirk what we should talk about on the blog tonight. They each rattled off some thoughts but followed them up with "We've talked about all of those things before. Life is getting back to normal and people aren't going to keep reading the blog."
I disagree.
And....in our family.....whatever Mom says, goes. Okay, maybe not, but it was worth a try;)
Just for the record.....I still disagree.
We have received countless comments, through email, facebook, the blog and personal conversations, about our Adventure and the positive way we are facing it. While we believe there is no other way to handle this situation, we are finding that this attitude is unique in society. I hope we can help others see a better way through sharing our experience.




We have some wonderful friends at the Payson Senior Center and love listening to their stories about life and learning. Through my work with Freedom Home Health and Hospice and other healthcare companies, I have been hanging out with these wonderful people for more than seven lucky years and have brought Kirk along with me to some of the activities I've attended. Not surprisingly, everyone loved him the moment they met him. He just has a gift for getting along with anyone. We have enjoyed going to different restaurants, cooking dutch oven dinners for them and even taking pictures of them at the annual Christmas party. Our lives have truly been blessed by our association and friendship with them.
Tammy Evans is the Assistant Director of the center and I will never forget a lesson she taught me one day. She had me hold a cup of water in my hand, arm stretched out, and she asked me how much I thought it weighed. I told her eight ounces. She asked me to continue to hold it there while she kept talking to me. After about 30 seconds she asked me again how much I thought it weighed. I told her I thought it still weighed eight ounces. She continued to talk for a couple of minutes while I held the cup out. She asked again, "How much does that weigh?" It actually felt heavier. I knew it hadn't changed, but my arm was getting tired and that made it feel heavier.
The lesson here? Holding that cup of water out seemed pretty easy at first but not ever having a break, either setting the cup down or even drinking some of the water, tired out my arm. This can be applied to any difficulties in life. If you don't set the burden, the worry, the stress down for a while, it will wear you out. It will seem to be much more than it actually is and much harder to deal with.
Having someone to share the Adventure with, Kirk, the girls, Our family and friends has helped lighten the load. Whether it is a phone call from Cheryl, a meal from the neighbors, a visit from a friend, Steven mowing the lawn, Dani bringing our granddog Hank up to visit or Bryn running our errands.....this list could go on and on..... Each and every effort helps lighten the load, gives a break to Kirk or me and brings so many blessings to our life.
I don't know if I ever realized how important these things can be for those on the receiving end. It is always easier to give than to receive and I'll bet that everyone reading this would be the first person volunteering to help someone in need. But, just as Karen Murray, Relief Society president in our marvelous Mapleton 21st ward told me, "Don't take the blessing of giving away from others."
Thank you to every one who has joined us on the Adventure. We will continue to share, maybe not everyday, but as often as we can, and we hope it can help someone in their life. We love you!!
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Shadows

Day 30. Wow! Can you believe it? I sometimes still have to pinch myself to make sure it's real.

Kirk got a "Get Out of Jail Free" card today (he calls being stuck in bed Jail) and was able to take a drive to Northwest Orthotics to have his turtle shell resized. He has lost so much weight that it is not supporting him like it should. I called this morning thinking they would just come to the house in the next few days but they wanted him to come in today!








We have been working with Russ since the night of the accident and he has been wonderful to continue altering the shell so that it fits Kirk perfectly. Thank you, Thank you Russ!












The entire outing took almost an hour and a half and Kirk seemed pretty happy about getting back to his "cell". I even left him alone for a couple of hours (gasp!!) and he lived through it! Good thing that Bryn stopped in to check on him and I am sure she rescued him from certain death.


While Kirk and I were driving back from Provo we were next to a pest control truck that had a picture of a large spider with an even larger shadow. The thought crossed my mind and quickly came out my mouth, "I think the reason people are afraid of spiders is because their shadows are  so big." Kirk chuckled and politely agreed.




As I have continued bustling about today I kept thinking about that spider shadow. Shadows are scary! Think of the most terrifying movie you have seen. Right before the scariest part you hear the heart pumping music, there is major darkness and then......a shadow. I read once that FEAR is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. That is a shadow!
Our Adventure has had some shadows. Little shadows. Big shadows. The biggest one is the shadow of the future. We have made so many plans, just like you have, but we really don't know what our future will bring until a little more light appears on the scene. We know this will just take time. That doesn't make it any less scary, but we can handle it. Something about an Adventure.......it is full of excitement!!
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Grow

Day 29. The Sabbath. A day to grow.
Kirk and I both slept in a bit today. Sleeping in anymore means anything past 7:30 AM.
He is a pretty sore camper today due to some amazing PUSH Therapy our dear friend and neighbor, Jennifer Tippets, administered yesterday. It is more intensive than your average massage and she works deep into the muscles to increase blood flow and healing. She only worked his legs but it actually relieved his back pain too! There is so much pain involved during the actual massage but when she would finish with one area he would tell us how relaxed that area was. Jennifer told Kirk he was going to feel like he had worked out really hard at the gym. She also told him he would probably feel sick as the toxins in his muscles leave his body. He was sick, most of the night and feels like he ran a marathon.
Rick, Lori and Cole came by this afternoon bearing gifts for us even though it is Cole's 18th birthday. Lori had made rolls for their dinner and brought a pan of them over so they could rise and we could bake them for our dinner and enjoy not only the taste but the aroma. I have mentioned how much we love them, right?
My dear friend of 34 years, Beth Bishop, sent me the following quote today:
"When trials are not consequences of our disobedience, they are evidence the Lord feels we are prepared to grow more." ~Richard G. Scott
This is just what we needed to be reminded of today. Maybe you needed to be reminded too.


Not long before the Adventure began, Kirk and I had been discussing a situation with my job that was stressing me out. He said something that has really stuck with me; "You never grow when you are coasting. Growth only happens when you are peddling hard."
We are peddling. We are focused. We are growing.


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Big Jake

The last four weeks have been a blur. Today, day 28, has been probably the most beautiful and bittersweet that we have experienced through our Adventure.

Jake and Kim Ervin came over today for a visit and to have lunch with us. Jake is a Public Safety Officer for Orem City and has been Kirk's co-worker, riding buddy and co-mechanic on many-a-project. They have spent almost as much time together in the last few years than Kirk and I have. Because of this, Jake is known in our family as "Dad's boyfriend", in the most professional way, of course;).



Like so many of our wonderful friends, Jake has been here to help with anything we have needed. A blessing of the Brotherhood and of a "brother".

Today Jake took Shamika, Kirk's beloved BMW motorcycle, home with him to prepare her for a new home, new rides, a new owner. This is one of those days that we knew was coming but has arrived too soon and it has been met not only with heartache but with gratitude as well. There is a very short list of people Kirk would trust Shamika with. Jake is at the top.

Shamika has taken Kirk to Heaven and back over the last 4 years with trips to Canada, Colorado, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Idaho, Wyoming, California and all over Utah. We have many pictures of Shamika with an amazing site in the background. Kind of like having someone take your picture on a vacation, only Shamika was the "person" in the picture. I guess this is something motorcycle enthusiast do.












Shamika has become a member of our family. At one time she even took over the garage. Kirk told me her paint was water-based and being in the weather would not be good for her. I accepted it, for a while. She has every accessory known to mankind installed on her and has enough storage to keep her rider well equipped for a 2 week excursion. She has a piece of Kirk's heart, so she has a piece of mine too.

John Wayne plays Jacob McCandles in the old western Big Jake. Near the end he is just about to render a man lifeless when the man asks who he is. John Wayne replies, "I am Jacob McCandles." The shocked man says, "I thought you was dead!" Big Jake responds with two words; "Not Hardly."


Kirk and I have been watching this show tonight as I have been preparing our post and I find it perfectly fitting that the hero in the show shares the same name as our dear friend. Big Jake.

I also find Big Jake's words appropriate for our Adventure. Will the fun and excitement end because Shamika isn't with us? Will Kirk not have hobbies that bring him as much joy as riding has? In Big Jake's powerful voice I hear...."Not Hardly."



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